I got an email from my friend Nicole who lives in Texas. She said that she got excited when she saw her name on my blog until she read it and realized I was talking about someone else. So to balance the scales, here's a little ditty about my other friend Nicole.

My college years would have been very boring had I never met Nicole. We met our freshman year in a music theory class. At first glance we were a mismatched pair. I was in the band. She was in the
orchestra. I was obnoxious. She was quiet. I was a little bit country and she was a little bit rock 'n roll. (Okay...I made that last one up.) By our junior year, Nicole and I would discover a common bond that would cement our friendship forever: our mutual disdain of everyone and everything that is annoying and/or stupid.

If there was someone to mock, we were there to point and laugh. If there was something insipid and pretentious, we were there ready to roll our eyes. Cynical and sardonic, we were merciless with our wry observations and our we-don't-care attitude. We were the original Enid and Rebecca from Ghost World. "This is so bad it's gone past good and back to bad again."

Nicole and I had this friend who left college and moved to Texas. To try to keep in touch, we'd record these tapes (think Felicity) to send to her, but by the time we were done, they were so funny to us we never sent them. We took the tape recorder everywhere; to class, rehearsals, the library, restaurants, shopping. One store kicked us out because they suspected us of recording prices...cause you know, we'd be that obvious.

Last year I found one of the tapes and played it for my roommate. She couldn't believe how awful we were. My favorite part (and one I had forgotten) was when I was walking into the Fine Arts building and this guy walks up to me (I think his name was Perry or Percy or something like that) and says, without any provocation, "My tooth hurts." Without missing a beat, I said matter-of-factly, "Nobody gives a shit." and then walked off. (Years later, Nicole made a tape to send to me. In it she does an inspired rendition of Rod Stewart's Hot Legs.)

Now I realize to the uninitiated, Nicole and I must sound like horrible loathsome creatures. Please know that we were never cruel to anyone who didn't truly deserve it. Puppies, nuns, homeless people, the terminally ill...all were granted our compassion. However, the smug, the self righteous, the hypocrites, the sluts, the psycho hose-beasts...they all got what was coming to them.

Over the years, I think Nicole and I have softened a bit with age. Maybe like all adults we have discovered what is truly important. Also, in context, we were in college, and everyone is an idiot in college. Don't get me wrong, we still have absolutely no patience for stupidity, we're just less vocal about it.

Maybe.