I was over Survivor a few minutes after Richard Hatch drove off in his new SUV with his million dollar prize. I've seriously avoided most reality shows since then. (Well, except Murder in Small Town X which was like one of those interactive mystery dinner theater productions.) So imagine my surprise getting swept up in Frontier House last night.

Here is the premise: three families pledge to live in the Montana territory in the late 1800's for over four months. There is no big cash prize, just the 'experience'. That experience includes no
electricity, no running water, no toilet paper (eeek!!! imagine using leaves. yuck.),
no shampoo and no contraceptives (unless you want to use a condom made from a pig intestine).

The families had to got to a sort of 1883 boot camp to learn how to live with a certain amount of historical accuracy. This training included learning to swing an axe, churn butter and use whiskey in lieu of modern medicine.

There is still a certain Survivorish element. Two of the families already hate each other and spend much of their on camera time bitching about the other.
Their complaints are whiny and petty and of course that helped hook me.

Before they even began the reality of what they would be missing started sinking
in. One of the moms had a mini breakdown when she found out she couldn't wear make-up. "No respectable lady of the time wore make up unless she was in a theater troupe or a lady in a brothel."

My favorite homesteader is Nate, who is building his house with his dad. Once the house is built, his
fiancé is joining him. They'll get married in a period ceremony and live the frontier life together.

It will be interesting how the whole contraceptive issue comes into play then.

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The Roommate has declared tomorrow Male Roommates Day. I'm not sure
why. I suspect she has broken, damaged or ruined something and this is
just flagrant ass kissing.

I asked her when Female Roommates Day is. She told me there is no Female
Roommates Day, but instead Female Roommates Week and it occurs once a
month. She says it is a day in which you lavish your female roommate with chocolate
and I already celebrate that.

Well...it's not so much a celebration as it is a survival technique.

You see, I never expected to be a Will to someone's Grace. I didn't think that I'd
have to deal with "woman stuff" in my domesticity. Now, to
paraphrase Heathers,
I find myself a spoke in someone's menstrual cycle.

When the Roommate and I first started our co-occupancy, I marked those red
letter days on the refrigerator calendar in big bold and yes, red
letters. (Sometimes I drew a skull and crossbones too.) These were days
I was to be gone from the apartment and for no reason whatsoever return during
normal hours.

Eventually we came to a compromise. When the Roommate is surfing the
crimson, I make an offering to the Beast in hope to be spared. The
offering, of course, is chocolate. It is usually delivered by me opening
the front door just a little, throwing it into the living room and then quickly
closing the door. After a bit, I am usually permitted to enter.

It's not a perfect system I admit, but it's kept me alive so far.

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My
horoscope for today: "Today's planetary configuration is very good
for writers, dear Leo. Likely you are finding it easier to write. Take advantage
of these auspicious conditions to put down all of your ideas on paper. You will
thank yourself on those days when you lack ideas. Think of it as loading up the
woodpile to feed your intellectual fire during the long winter months."

Um...then why do I have nothing to say?

This is my "expanded"
horoscope: "When it comes to
your financial situation, you should concentrate on saving. Of course, investing
some of your money would be even better if you could find a way to leave it in
trustworthy hands, but that scenario is extremely iffy at the moment. Vain
individuals have a hard time finding sycophants willing to sing their praises,
but nothing is out of the realm of possibilities. The Moon declares that it's
all about you, but with no pretense."

What is this about? Money? Vanity? The Moon? And what the hell is a sycophant? (Answer:
a servile self-seeking flatterer.)

My "Male"
horoscope says: "Although you're not usually one to
mince words, for the past month and a half something has prevented you from
confronting people openly. You may have felt uncertain of yourself, or sensed
that your judgment was impaired for some reason. You can relax now; the ordeal
is over. You return to being a proud and self-confident Leo, perhaps a bit
chastened by your recent experiences..."

Now that's more like it!

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For as long as I can remember I have always hated
salad. Mainly what I hate about salad is the lettuce. It's just
gross. This all goes back to a childhood trauma I suffered when my mom
forced me to eat a salad against my will and I promptly threw it up.

I've always wondered if I was alone in
my hatred. Watching Judging Amy the
other night, Bruce said he never eats lettuce. "It's
cold. It's wet." Okay...Bruce is fictitious, but there are
some people who share
my disdain.

Recently I've been thinking I should be eating healthier. It's not that I eat
completely un-healthy, I just think I don't get enough green stuff in my
diet. So part of my goal is to overcome my phobia of salad.

Since I have no experience making salad, my attempts have been limited to when I
eat out. Here is what I have discovered so far. The house salad at Z'Tejas
is gross. The Old World Classic at Nello's
is very good, but most everything there is.

I bought a bag of that pre-washed salad stuff the other day. It was like
eating weeds and leaves. I think that is why I don't like lettuce. It looks too much like stuff I
associate with dirt and bugs. It was gross, so I threw it away and had cinnamon
rolls instead. (So much for my claim about not eating completely
un-healthy. "Cinnamon Rolls - It's What's For Dinner")

The Roommate is back and she is a salad eating aficionado, so I'm hoping she'll
give me some pointers. After all, I haven't even begun to think about
salad dressings. That just seems complicated.

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1. What is your favorite restaurant and why? Los
Olivos (the 2nd Street location). It's my favorite because I
love the Pollo a la Queso Crema. Of course having made a D in College
Spanish (Thanks Señora Mitchell), I can't pronounce Pollo a la Queso Crema with
any authenticity whatsoever, so I just point to it on the menu and the server
always smiles and nods and says "Ahhhh! The Pollo a la Queso Crema!".
The dish is SO wrong...deep fried...topped with cheeses, but it is so
tasty. Since it is a cardiologist's nightmare, I only go about 2 or 3
times a year.

2. What fast food restaurant are you partial to? I hate burgers so I usually
run for the border. (Although I do
like it, honestly, Mexican food is not my favorite but I live close to its
origin. You can't swing a dead cat around here with out hitting a Mexican restaurant.)

3. What are your standards and rules for tipping? I tip using lazy
math. I hate doing math. I start with the total. By imagining the
decimal is over one position to the left, I know what ten percent is. I
round this up to the nearest dollar and then double it.

Example: My meal is $17.97. I envision $1.79. Round it up to
$2.00 and then double it to $4.00.

Yes, I know this means I am tipping over the norm. I know this because many
people point this out. What is the hang-up with over
tipping? It's like by a dollar or so. Is that so unthinkable?
Am I over tipping so much that my server can now book that trip to Europe
they've always wanted to take? Of course not, but it seems I am setting some
sort of precedence by not tipping the standard percentage.

I've never had the nerve to leave a crappy tip for poor service. I leave
that up to T. When we dine together, we become magnets for really bad
service. (Actually, I think it's just her, but don't tell her I said
that.)

4. Do you usually order an appetizer and/or dessert? Not
really. Appetizers if the majority wants them. Rarely dessert unless
I am somewhere that specializes in dessert like the Cheesecake
Factory or Marie Callender's or
something.

5. What do you usually order to drink at a restaurant? Iced tea or water. I
don't really like to drink beer, wine or mixed drinks when I eat, although I did
have a most enjoyable Mojito the other night.

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• I still need to do my taxes. Oh, I sort of did them already (about three months ago) and know I am getting a refund, but the forms are just sitting here waiting to be completed and sent, piled under a ton of magazines and junk mail.
• I haven't thrown out any magazines or junk mail in ages.
• Rather than going to the store, I'm using Kleenex for toilet tissue.
• Rather than asking the Roommate for a roll of toilet tissue, I'm using Kleenex.
• My fat clothes are now just my clothes.
• My lease ended in December and I still haven't moved.
• I've started to think of the money I owe the library as charitable contributions instead of late fees.
• I have a box of stuff to take to Goodwill from Christmas.
• I have stuff I still need to put in the box of stuff to take to Goodwill, but instead I just step over them.
• I've convinced myself that the dust bunny in the corner of the ceiling adds character to my decor barren room.

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The protest today went very well. I was very impressed by the number of people who showed up. I think there were 150 or more. A representative from FOTF told someone on our side that of all the conferences they've had, we had the largest amount of people in our protest.

I was pretty amazed by their turnout too. There were so many cars in there parking lot. When they were breaking for lunch, I was watching them drive by. Many looked pious and smug. Some looked a little bewildered by the scene. I carried a sign that said "This conference harms children". I noticed a few people from the conference reading my sign. I studied this one woman's face briefly. To me, she looked like she hadn't considered that before. Maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part.

I don't think these people realize the damage they do to children, gay or straight. The kind of stigma they impose does real damage. I read somewhere that 70% of all suicides are gay teens and a gay teen is twice as likely to commit suicide than a straight one. Those
numbers are so staggering.

A few years ago I knew this guy who would come to the Center. He was in his early twenties and was kind of annoying they way kids in their early twenties can be. I'd see him pretty regularly when I volunteered there. Several months went by and I didn't see him. People came and went at the Center so much, so I didn't give it much thought. Then one day I saw a flyer for a memorial fund that had been set up in his name. When I asked how he died, I was told he
committed suicide.

My friend Babe is on the cover of this week's Echo Magazine. For years Babe has tirelessly worked directly with GLBT youth through the Center's Youth Services program. They range from 14 to 21. I've watched her deal with a lot of bureaucracy and funding issues that would break most people (like me), but she has never wavered in her support of the kids or her purpose. She always has the kids and their welfare as her first priority. She's really amazing and I am so happy I know her.

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