My
horoscope for today: "Today's planetary configuration is very good
for writers, dear Leo. Likely you are finding it easier to write. Take advantage
of these auspicious conditions to put down all of your ideas on paper. You will
thank yourself on those days when you lack ideas. Think of it as loading up the
woodpile to feed your intellectual fire during the long winter months."

Um...then why do I have nothing to say?

This is my "expanded"
horoscope: "When it comes to
your financial situation, you should concentrate on saving. Of course, investing
some of your money would be even better if you could find a way to leave it in
trustworthy hands, but that scenario is extremely iffy at the moment. Vain
individuals have a hard time finding sycophants willing to sing their praises,
but nothing is out of the realm of possibilities. The Moon declares that it's
all about you, but with no pretense."

What is this about? Money? Vanity? The Moon? And what the hell is a sycophant? (Answer:
a servile self-seeking flatterer.)

My "Male"
horoscope says: "Although you're not usually one to
mince words, for the past month and a half something has prevented you from
confronting people openly. You may have felt uncertain of yourself, or sensed
that your judgment was impaired for some reason. You can relax now; the ordeal
is over. You return to being a proud and self-confident Leo, perhaps a bit
chastened by your recent experiences..."

Now that's more like it!