The Roommate has declared tomorrow Male Roommates Day. I'm not sure
why. I suspect she has broken, damaged or ruined something and this is
just flagrant ass kissing.

I asked her when Female Roommates Day is. She told me there is no Female
Roommates Day, but instead Female Roommates Week and it occurs once a
month. She says it is a day in which you lavish your female roommate with chocolate
and I already celebrate that.

Well...it's not so much a celebration as it is a survival technique.

You see, I never expected to be a Will to someone's Grace. I didn't think that I'd
have to deal with "woman stuff" in my domesticity. Now, to
paraphrase Heathers,
I find myself a spoke in someone's menstrual cycle.

When the Roommate and I first started our co-occupancy, I marked those red
letter days on the refrigerator calendar in big bold and yes, red
letters. (Sometimes I drew a skull and crossbones too.) These were days
I was to be gone from the apartment and for no reason whatsoever return during
normal hours.

Eventually we came to a compromise. When the Roommate is surfing the
crimson, I make an offering to the Beast in hope to be spared. The
offering, of course, is chocolate. It is usually delivered by me opening
the front door just a little, throwing it into the living room and then quickly
closing the door. After a bit, I am usually permitted to enter.

It's not a perfect system I admit, but it's kept me alive so far.