1. What's your favorite piece of clothing that you currently own?

My black cardigan. Since high school I always seem to have at least one in
my closet. Currently I have two: one is cotton and one is acrylic.
They are comfortable and casual.

2. What piece of clothing do you most want to acquire?

It's been a while since I went shopping, but when I go to thrift stores or
Buffalo Exchange, I am always on the look out for workman type shirts, especially if they have a name stitched on
them (preferably not mine). Right now I have a plain
brown Dickies shirt that looks very UPS-eque.

3. What piece of clothing can you not bring yourself to get rid of? Why?

I have this awful 80's sweatshirt that I can never part with. It's
purple with turquoise sleeves and has pinkish- orange ribbing on the collar and
one of the cuffs (the other is purple. Mismatch cuffs...how 80's is
that!?). On the front is a puffy decal that says Pee-Wee Herman
University. It has a cartoon picture of Pee-Wee and other characters and
says "Mekka-Lekka-Hi, Mekka-Hiney-Ho". I think I probably only
wore it a couple times but feel the need to keep it always as reminder of how
tragic 80's fashions were.

4. What piece of clothing do you look your best in?

Hmmm...I'm not sure. I have this black shirt with a tan and purple
geometric pattern that many people compliment, so I guess that.

5. What has been your biggest fashion accident?

When I was a senior in high school, I had this one period on my schedule
where my only choices for classes were Computer Basics, Farm Mechanics (oh
please!) and some
strange Home Economics hybrid called Creative Clothing and Housing Design. To be
a rebel I choose the latter. During the Creative Clothing semester we had
to make an article of clothing but deviate from the pattern and do something
unique. I made a cardigan (go figure) out of super bright red
fleece. I couldn't find ribbing to match so I used super bright yellow ribbing and huge
super bright yellow buttons (it was the 80's...remember). It was hideous.
It was
so oversized it could have fit two or three of me. It looked like something a gay
Ronald McDonald would wear and yes...I occasionally wore it (with torn up bleach
stained jeans of course). My freshman year in college, I gave it to my
friend Gail. She used it as a robe. My only hope is it has since
been destroyed.

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The day I collected the check for my totaled car, I sat in my roommate's car staring at
the check. The finality of the loss of my car stirred up so many
emotions.

I felt cheated and wronged. I didn't do anything wrong, so why am I without a
car? Why am I stuck at home all the time? Why do I have to get a ride to work?

I felt like a victim. Why is this happening to me?

I felt worthless. I spent four years paying for that piece of crap car and two
months after I paid it off, I get check for less than a fourth of what I paid and now I
get to start all over again.

I felt hopeless. I had plans reduce my debt now that I had paid off my car.

I felt like a big loser, but most of all, I felt out of control. I felt like
nothing I do in my life mattered.

All of this from a minor car accident.

Sure I was grateful I wasn't injured, but I just didn't feel right. Then things
started to snowball. Little by little everything seemed to be unraveling
around me.

I hated going to work. Every day someone would ask me if I'd gotten another
car. Something I realize from this experience, similar to when my car was stolen, is
everyone wants to share their own experience and/or opinions regarding car
accidents/insurance/car shopping, etc. It was becoming too much. I told people
I was considering not getting another car and instead using the bus system (an option I
seriously weighed but then dropped when I calculated it would take over an hour for me to
get to work). People would say "Oh, I can't see you doing that."
which would of course piss me off and I would add their name to my growing mental list of
people who piss me off.

Other stuff starting getting to me too. My rent was unexpectedly raised. The
condo I was going to rent fell through. I needed support and comfort from
friends and I wasn't getting it.

Alone these things would have been ease to handle, but to happen one after another after
another...it became to much to deal with. I started to withdraw. I didn't want
to do anything but sleep. On weekends, that's all that I did. Sleeping was the
only thing that brought me any peace. I didn't want to think about buying a car or
looking for a new place to live or think about loved ones who seemingly abandoned me when
I needed them most.

I felt stressed and ready to burst. I went to see my doctor and just as I suspected,
my blood pressure was very high. He put me on medication and I joined a gym and
started exercising regularly. Both helped and the exercise gave me more energy, but
emotionally and mentally I was still exhausted. It was weird. My body wanted
to go, go, go but my mind wanted me to take a nap.

I realized I need to get my shit together again. I had one of those moments of
clarity Margaret Cho describes in I Am The One I Want. ("What kind of
fucked up Behind the Music Motley Crew bullshit is this!?")

So simultaneously I am shopping for a car, a home and a therapist. Getting off the
proverbial ass to do this, has already set me on the road to feeling better. Little by
little, I will get there.

That's why I have been so quiet for so long. Now that I'm recovering, I'm sure I
will find plenty to rant about. I imagine car shopping, moving and therapy will
provide much fodder.

So...what's new with you?

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