My doctor's office called me just before I left work one day last week to let me know the results of some blood work they requested during my last visit. The nurse informed me I have high cholesterol. This was surprising to me. Yes, I am overweight. Yes, I have been extremely sedentary prior to joining a gym. However, I don't eat most foods that cause high cholesterol. I rarely eat red meat and fried food grosses me out.

I asked the nurse what should I change in my diet to lower my cholesterol. She said to lay off fast food and stop eating "burgers and fries". I told her I don't eat those (fries - on rare occasions, burgers - maybe 3 in the last 5 years, usually when I am drunk). She said, "You don't eat fast food?" Not really I told her. "Well, what do you eat?" she asked. Most chicken, soup, grains etc.

Apparently, I stumped her because she couldn't offer any advice. So I did some research and the eggs and sausage I have for breakfast are the most cholesterol packed foods I usually eat. So now I have a bagel and yogurt. (I used to hate yogurt. I'm starting to like it.)

In my ever constant quest for healthy eating I've discovered a few things.

• Making minimal changes gradually have a more lasting impact than trying to change everything at once.


• I still hate salad. I sort of saddens me. It looks so healthy but it tastes so awful.


• Broth-based soup is a nice alternative to eating salad.


• Cream-based soups are of the devil.


• Yoplait Light has aspartame, an evil chemical sweetener which makes it taste gross and disgusting. Regular Yoplait is much better.


• Diet Dr. Pepper also has aspartame but which much tastier results. (So I am hypocrite...piss off!)


• Imagining the foods you need to avoid will actually kill you, makes it easier to avoid them.

Permalink | File Under: Life

Poor Lisa Loeb. She
put out a
fine, dandy little album and then her record
company doesn't spend the money or take the time to promote it. So she, like so
many other
frustrated artists, left her big fat cat corporate label for
greener, albeit smaller, pastures.

In order to release her album again on a new label, she had to make some
changes to it so it's not exactly the same previous album. I can just
imagine slick guys in slick suits being more than happy to release her from her
contract but remind her that Cake and Pie is their property.

I remember reading that the label the Cowboy
Junkies were on decided to release a greatest hits compilation without
even consulting the band. They posted their anger and frustration on
their website and asked fans to not buy the album. They went as far to
post the songs on their website and let people burn a copy for free.

Bottom line: Corporate music sucks. It's soulless and without any
substance or artistry. It's only reason for existence is commerce.

Mini Sidebar Rant: Corporate radio is just as bad. It seems like all the
radio station are now own by one guy
and they all play the same play lists over and over and over, which is why I
never list to the radio.

In other news, she's posting again.

Permalink | File Under: Music

Reading

Running
with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs -
This is the funniest and most horrific memoir I have ever read.

ReadyMade Magazine - I really like this magazine (so much that I ordered the
first issue after reading the second and third), but am too lazy and cheap to
actually do any of the crafts. But I think about doing them. Does
that count? (Also, anything that references MacGyver is always a plus.)

Listening

The
Way I Feel by Remy Shand - The
best R&B album ever recorded by a 23 year-old skateboarding white kid from
Winnipeg, Canada.

Time
(The Revelator) by Gillian Welch -
A nice little slice of Americana.

Five Star Motel by Andy Stochansky
- My favorite Canadian drummer has recorded a nifty little pop album.

Watching

The
Notorious C.H.O. - No one makes me laugh as loud or hard as Margaret
Cho. She's smart, honest, provocative, insightful and very, very
raunchy. God bless her.

Big Brother 3 - I am embarrassed to admit it. I started watching this
during week 3 or 4 and have been watching it ever since. Partly because I
was trapped in the house for so long and don't have cable; Partly because it's
summer and there is nothing new on the 6 channels I do get. It's pure
drivel and the laziest of all reality shows but I feel invested now to watch
until the end. Sad - huh?

Anticipating

Bob Schneider performing solo at
the Rhythm Room.

Permalink | File Under: Lists

Step One is complete. Last week I picked up my new car. I ended
up getting a 2002 Hyundai Elantra. The Roommate takes much joy in the fact
I can't pronounce what I purchased. I keep saying "Hun-die Elen-tra".
It's like that episode of Friends where Joey keeps saying "noodle
soup" at an audition. I know I'm pronouncing it wrong I just can't
stop.

This is the first brand new car I've ever bought. It's a new and strange
feeling having this car. It feels like the car is too nice for me
to have. I've never really had anything nice or shiny and brand new
(except for when I went to college and my mom bought me a new euphonium).
It's almost as if the car is too elegant for me. I have very basic
stripped down needs. I feel like I am undeserving of a nice car which is
of course bullshit.

The one thing I am enjoying without question is air conditioning. Many
people wonder how I survived 3-4 years without it in the desert. Frankly,
I don't really know. You just eventually get used to the misery and the
feeling your flesh is baking. The first thing I did when I picked up the
car was turning the air on full blast on its coldest possible temperature until
my teeth chattered. It was so nice.

Now, onto Step Two.

Permalink | File Under: Life

When you order from CD
Baby, you get the most wonderful email
confirmation after your order has been sent.

Your CDs have been gently taken from
our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed
onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CDs and polished them to make
sure they were in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over
the crowd as he put your CDs into the finest gold-lined box that money
can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party
marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of
Portland waved 'Bon Voyage!' to your package, on its way to you, in our
private CD Baby jet on this day, Friday, September 6th.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did.
Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year". We're
all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you once again,

Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby

It makes me wish I worked there.

Permalink | File Under: Sharing

One night while getting in the car to go to the gym, the Roommate turns to me
and asks, "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure", I replied somewhat slightly perplexed. The Roommate and I
have lived together for over 4 four years and know each other pretty well and I
don't think we keep many secrets from each other.

"Top or bottom. What are your thoughts?"

If this were audio, I would insert the sound of a needle scratching as it's
ripped off the record.

Did my roommate just ask me about tops and bottoms? What the @#$%?

For a millisecond I search my mind for any possible logical reason she would
ask this out of the blue. Maybe she's asking me because of her new gay
co-worker. Maybe he said something to her and she wants
clarification. Maybe she didn't get a joke on Will & Grace.

I give up trying to figure out why she's asking and decide to be a good friend
and ambassador for gays everywhere and wax intellectually on the subject.

"Well, it happens," I begin. "Some people have a
preference I suppose but I think with today's redefining of gender roles and
stereotypes..."

"Whoa!" she says as she holds up her palm to halt my speech. Her
eyes are wide and startled looking, like I just told her I was a cannibal and
there's a head in the freezer.

"Before you go any further, I meant apartments. The top or
bottom?"

"Oh." Slight (uncomfortable) pause. "Downstairs definitely."

* onmouseout="window.status=' Footnote '; return true"
href="javascript:alert('In my defense...COME ON! You ask a gay man top or bottom, what kind of answer should you expect? Bunk beds!?');"
; top>Footnote

Permalink | File Under: Friends