You know...I left Oklahoma years ago expecting the leave white trash behind, however I
find myself living next to a woman whom I suspect is only able to pay her rent
from the residual checks she no doubt receives from her guest appearances on
Springer. Just once I would like to come home and not find a
shopping cart sitting in front of the apartment filled with her trash or laundry
or her.

I wish I were kidding about the last one.

A few months ago, she broke her leg. (I knew something was up when it was
quiet for a couple weeks. She was probably in the hospital.) One
night, I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and I hear the usual yelling that
goes on between her and her four year old. I just rolled my eyes and went
on stirring my dinner on the stove. Then I hear, "Now you have to go
easy or you'll break Mommy," followed by the sound of the cart rolling
slowly but making a lot of noise going over the breaks in the pavement.

Now I was a bit curious. I had the patio blinds pulled back a little, so I
leaned out of the kitchen just in time to see the four year old pulling the cart
from the front and her in the cart with her legs sticking out of the back.
It was sad and surreal, like something out of a John Waters movie. Somehow,
she had maneuvered herself into the back of the cart through the part that flips
up. Ever so slowly, they passed by my view. I half expected her to
yell "Mush! Mush!" to the little kid.

Speaking of John Waters, Cutie Patootie Michelle go to meet him at the
Phoenix Film Festival last month. Here
is a picture of them beating up a guy in a bunny costume. I am
completely jealous!