Dear cheap blue guitar Reader,

I've been revisiting the past a lot lately. Weaving through my memories. Remembering things I had long tried to forget. Maybe I'm preparing myself to start therapy again. Getting used to digging deep, cause I know some of these things will probably come up.

I used to keep journals before this blog. I filled three notebooks during college, detailing all that transpired. Oh the angst! Oh the pathos!

Augusten Burroughs kept his journals, I think. I, on the other hand, burned all of mine. I justified destroying them by saying they had fulfilled their destiny: for me to find one day as an adult and see how far I've come. How much I've grown as a person. Be proud of the progress I had made.

That was a big, fat lie.

I burned them to erase all the ugliness contained within them. I thought that maybe if the pages burned hot enough not only they would disintegrate into ash but so would the pain they represented. The immature foolishness outlined in their pages. Mistakes I had made. The embarrassment I felt reading them again years later. I realize now I wasn't finished with them at all. Just the opposite. I was just beginning to truly understand them. I could really use them now.

You see, it's as if I have new eyes suddenly. I am starting to look at my life and see things I couldn't before. I understand a few things. Some of these memories will end up on this site and I feel I need to warn you, my handful of regular readers, in advance.

I'm not sure why you read my site. I don't always think I'm particularly interesting. I know there are better writers out there. People who are funnier, more insightful, smarter. People who have gone through more shit than I have and have somehow made a better life for themselves.

I've said before I'm not sure why I keep a blog. I may be starting to understand. I told Jennifer recently, "I think I have some things to get off my proverbial chest."

I recently posted that I was going to be more honest within these pages. Some of the things I will likely end up posting will be hard for me to write. They will be very personal, but I accept that it is time to uncover them. They need to be said...for my sake.

Obviously, I do so knowing they will be out there in the ether for anyone with an ISP to read. This kind of writing may not be everyone's favorite, but it's something I think I need to do. I just hope you'll bear with me, dear reader, while I stumble down memory lane.

Sincerely,
Brian

PS - Thank you for stopping by. I really do appreciate it. Of all my readers, you are my favorite.