Last night, I saw a movie with my friend Kooka. Yes, that is her name. Well,
actually it's not. It's a childhood nickname. Her real name is in Hebrew that we
non-Jews have trouble saying because we can't master that throaty gargley sound
that is in so many Hebrew words.

We haven't seen each other for several months so we were catching up and
naturally the subject of my therapy came up. I told her the kinds of things I'd
been discussing lately and the progress I've made so far. She said
something that kind of stopped me in my tracks for a bit.

"You are a good man, Brian."

At first it was odd hearing those words. They just seemed to hang in the air
between us. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm a good man, but I guess I've
always believed no one else really saw it.

One of the things I've realized about myself in therapy is I need to remember
who I am more. For the longest time, I've always claimed I've never really known
who I am. I've never felt like I fit in anywhere or "belonged". I've
always felt misunderstood by others. Like I was some mysterious enigma.

When I told my therapist I didn't feel like I knew my own identity, she called
me on it. "I think you are much more aware of it that you think." She
asked me to start describing myself. I threw out a few words and adjectives.

"You seem to know yourself pretty well," she said.

"Huh. I do, don't I?"

I think for whatever strange reason, I convinced myself that I didn't know who I
was. It
was a story I told myself and eventually believed. I guess another story
I've been telling myself is others don't see me as I see myself. Turns out, I'm
not such a mystery at all. I live my life quite openly and honestly and apparently
people do notice.

As I've become more open talking about what's going on in my life and my therapy
with my friends, I'm discovering that they are in turn more open with me. Over
the past several weeks, I've had some amazing conversations with my friends.
Real heart to hearts. It's been very revealing and honestly, just what I've
needed to hear.

Last month, I started applying to be a volunteer at a local homeless youth
shelter. Part of the extensive application process is to submit four references.
Four of my closest friends sent emails to the volunteer coordinator and carbon
copied me. They all had the nicest things to say and in a few cases, I was
actually surprised by their comments. It was extremely humbling to say the
least.

I highly recommend soliciting that kind of feedback from your loved ones. It
will make your day.