Since beginning my journey to wellness through therapy, medication and exercise (Oh Dear Gawd! I have become one of those people. Those people who talk about "the journey" and "wellness"), I've had many moments where things come up that would normally stress me out or upset me. I've handled these with a sense of humor coupled with a newfound clarity and perspective.

It has worked swimmingly. Things that normally distress me are met with a calm demeanor and I find a new point of view to assess and diffuse the
situation. The Roommate is in a pissy mood? This is about her, not me. Coworkers stressed out about a perceived "emergency"? No problem. I'll take care of it. Jackass cuts me off on the road? Go ahead kind Sir. I'm not in a hurry. There are of course more pressing issues in my life, but you get the idea...swimmingly.

That being said, TODAY IS WORKING MY LAST FUCKING NERVE!!!

I think the dosage of my medication has reached its plateau. Over the last few weeks, I've gone from feeling like a Shiny Happy Person to just feeling like People. I remember when I brought up a day of moodiness to my therapist, it was met by a, "Good. You haven't had a crappy day since going on the medication. I'd be worried if you didn't."

Honestly, I would be too. I didn't expect for everything to be sunshine, rainbows and puppy dogs all the time. But today is one of those days that I just want to crawl back in bed. Today is the kind of day I want a "do over".

I want to Ctrl + Z this day.

I've been a little stressed about money lately. This is nothing new. I've made great strides towards financial responsibility, but it is hard at times. Some days harder than others. Right now, it just plain sucks.

Having insurance is a wonderful thing but all the co-pays for my increasing doctor's visits, weekly therapy and many medications are zapping all my limited disposable income. A few weeks ago, I actually had an over withdrawl on my checking account. For the record, let me say that I never overdraw on my account. I can't afford it.

Pre-anti-depressant I was extremely anal about knowing exactly how much money was in my account. I'd check my balance every day online and kept a record of every transaction. After going on the meds, I obsessed about this less and less. Once I went three weeks without recording any transactions. (The horror!) Everything was fine until one day I checked my balance and saw the font for my balance was in red with a little minus sign. "What the fuck?!" I thought. I proceeded to go through every transaction to see how this happened. Turns out I forgot to record my automatic debit from the online pharmacy (an unfortunately large dollar amount) and I thought I had more money than I did. This cause many fees which further sent me into the red and I'm still trying to get my shit together so I can be back on track.

I hate money and the worries it brings. I don't expect to make much more than I am making now because I have no ambition to make a higher salary.
In fact, the field I see myself going into eventually will probably pay less than I make now. It's more important to me to be happy than get to take vacations and buy furniture and what not. I'm okay with this, but I can't wait to be rid of this debt so I can handle credit wisely the next go around. Only five more years to go! In the meantime, I'm checking bus schedules to see if it's worth getting a free bus pass from The Company to save money on gas.

So, I come into work this morning and am feeling a bit down because of my budget so tight I need a lubricant just to register another bill in it. I'm sitting at my desk and what is the first email I read? A missive from some bastard who decides to put the following sentence in all caps: "THIS CHANGE IS UNACCEPTABLE."

My first thought is to call him and go off on him like Whitney on crack. "Who the fuck do you think YOU are muthafucka to fucking talk to me like
that you fucking muthafucka!?"

I instead chose the high road. I replied to his email with a rational explanation of what happened and offered the proverbial olive branch and pologies. I know better than to send a nastagram, especially at work. It never yields the results you want and ALWAYS just complicates the situation. (Go Meds Go! Gooooo clarity!)

Now, having spewed all this out, I find myself relieved and "over it". I guess venting, bitching and ranting helps get it out. ("Blogging for Wellness" I suppose.) The money thing still worries me, but there is no use wigging out about it. It will only make me sick and that won't do me any good. I will figure shit out and survive...like I always do.