I decided to work from home today because too much exposure to my co-workers isn't a good thing and...I can. This afternoon, my cell phone rings. It's the Zenchick.

"You remember how you told me you don't have any real dating experience?" It's true. I haven't really ever dated, not like meet-you-for-coffee-dinner-or-a-movie dating. (More on that another day.)

I tell her yes. "Well I just had a thought. When someone new gets hired at the office, they job-shadow me to watch me and see what I do at work."

"Uh huh..."

"So I was thinking I could take you along on my date today." She arranged a coffee date with a man who responded to her online personal ad. She continued, "It could be all, 'Hi John, I'm Zenchick. This is Brian. He's going to be observing us today. Don't pay him any attention. He's just going to sit there quietly and take notes while we talk.' What do you think?"

"You are too funny. Since I can't be there, you could set the cell phone on the table. 'John, can you speak up please? Brian can't hear you.' No, that won't be awkward at all," I say sarcastically.

"I have a feeling it's already going to be awkward."

"Why is that?"

"On the phone, this guy sounded dull as a box of hair, but I already agreed to meet him and he's driving through here from out of town."

"Is this the guy whose personal ad you forwarded to me?"

"Yep."

"Ask him about his job. He talked a lot about having the best job in the world and stuff. He'll love that you asked."

"You are so good to me."

"Call me later and let me know how it goes."

An hour later, my phone rings again. "Do you know what ass burger is?"

"What?" I ask. Surely she isn't saying what I heard.

"Ass burger."

"Ass burger?"

"Yes. Ass burger."

"I think I know what that is." I assumed it was just an insult like asshole or something.

"I just had a date with someone with ass burger syndrome."

Now I am totally confused. Apparently ass burger isn't something you are, but something you have. But at this point I don't want to ask again.

"This guy was totally has ass burger. He just stared intensely at me for half an hour and spoke in this creepy monotone voice."

"Ass burger syndrome?" I ask.

"Yes! Ass burger syndrome. Look it up."

"You want me to Google ass burger syndrome?"

"Yeah. I want you to see what the symptoms are"

"Symptoms?" I think. "What the fuck!?"

"How do you spell it?" I ask.

"I don't know. It starts with A - S - P."

"Are you saying aspurger?"

"Yes. Just look it up."

So I Google aspurger syndrome and lovely Google asks me if I am looking for Asperger Syndrome. Why yes I am. Thank you Google.

"Oh! You said Asperger Syndrome."

"That's what I said."

"I thought you said ass burger and I was wondering what the hell is an ass burger."

"What is an ass burger?"

"I dunno."