As I've mentioned before, I've never really dated ever. Not a "I'll meet you for coffee or dinner or a movie" kind of date. At some point during my life, I just got tired of The Game?, so I took myself out. After having worked on my feelings about the Game?, I decided I was ready to make a go of it. So this afternoon, I had my first initial date.

So I am sitting in a funky little cafe waiting for Bachelor Number One. He suggested this place. I am the only one here. I tell the server I am waiting for someone and she gives me a menu to look at while I wait. A few minutes later, he calls and asks "Are you at the cafe." Yes, I tell him. "Okay, I'm leaving now, I will be there in about four minutes."

I'm a little miffed at not only his lateness, but mostly his not apologizing for being late, but I get over it quickly. When he arrives we shake hands and he profusely says he is sorry. I tell him it's not a problem.

Then his cell phone vibrates and he not only answers it, but proceeds to have a conversation. We have been on this date less than a minute. I know many people vary on the issue of cell phones and dating, but I've watched enough episodes of Blind Date to know where I stand. I don't like them. If it was for work or an emergency, I can certainly understand, but this was idle chit chat. Probably a pep talk or something. Or maybe it was that whole "pre-arranged cell phone call to give me an easy out" thing. (Damn. I knew if forgot to do something before I went on this date. Note to self.)

So the cell phone call, that was Strike One.

He asks me if I know what I'm going to have. I say probably a salad. He asks which one and I saw the Tomato and Mozzarella salad. We decide to split a hummus plate as an appetizer. A new server comes up and asks if we are ready to order. Bachelor Number One says, "We'll start with hummus plate. He'll have the Tomato..."

WHAT THE FUCK!? He's ordering for me!?

I quickly interrupt him. "I'll have the Tomato and Mozzarella salad with chicken." He places his order and I'm trying not to look annoyed.

Strike Two.

I can tell he's nervous because he rarely makes eye contact with me. I understand this. I'm nervous, but I think I'm not showing it as much. I was pretty proud of myself. I was very laid back and relaxed the whole time.

Then he asks me not, "Have you seen any good movies lately?" but, "Have you seen any good gay movies lately?"

Strike Three.

My usual answer is, "There are no good gay movies. They all suck." and they all do. But instead I say, "I can't say I remember the last gay movie I saw." I ask him if he has. He rattles off a few titles. I lie and say I've heard good things about them, when in truth I've heard they suck, like all gay movies. (I'm sure many of you will disagree with me. I'm prepared to face your wrath.)

The rest of the date was okay. He has a few annoying quirks like insisting on being right all the time. We were discussing a restaurant near where I live. "Oh, that's called Hummus House," he said.

"I think it's the Pita House."

"No...it's definitely the Hummus House."

Whatever Dude, I only live around the corner from it, I think.

When the check comes, he insists on paying. I don't argue because I know it will do no good and I figure I deserve some compensation for my time.

After exhausting our small talk topics and trips to the men's room for both of us, I'm trying to end this date quickly and graciously. I ask what time it is. He tells me and I ask if he's ready to go.

Not the most subtle way.

He asks if I want to go somewhere else and have coffee (which I don't drink) and talk. I say I have some errands to run before I go on my street outreach tonight, but maybe some other time, thus allowing me to not reject him in person but if he calls I can go into the whole "I appreciate it, but I don't think so." routine. (I need to figure out a good way to do that. Any suggestions?)

I think he's a little disappointed, but I don't really care. All I can think about it leaving. We go to our cars, shake hands, say goodbye and leave.

And that was my first official date. Pretty painless. Not a bad date. Just a mediocre one. I learned a few things I will need to remember next time, like don't tell my date what I'm going to order, giving him the chance to order for me. (What the fuck was that all about!?) Keep my cell phone in my pocket so when I go to the restroom, I can make a call for moral support and dating advice to end the date without hurt feelings and the chance of leaving the door open for a second date.

Now to seek out Bachelor Number Two.