Like all good Americans, Adam and I skipped the presidential debates to go the movies. Well, that's not true because there was nobody at the movies. I think I may have seen a tumbleweed blow through the lobby.

Our movie of choice? The new John Waters flick, A Dirty Shame. Our conversation afterwards.

ME: How awful are we? We should have been at home watching the debates and instead we went to see smut.
ADAM: Oh please! There was more substance in that movie than in any presidential debate.
ME: Huzzah!

I asked Adam earlier this week if "huzzah" was a Renaissance Festival thing since it was on Gilmore Girls the other night and the scene was at a Renaissance Festival.

ME: Did I use the reference correctly?
ADAM: Yeah. Geek.
ME: Slut. Geekslut!

This led to a discussion about the what-ever-the-hell-it-is that is happening in D.C. with the more burly and beefy queer bloggers, and of course, whom might do whom while there.

ADAM: Why weren't we invited? I feel left out.
ME: Because they don't know who the fuck we are?
ADAM: But still.
ME: If you want we can have our own blogger thing in protest. Just the two of us.
ADAM: Aren't we doing that now?

Later the discussion turned to Chris Isaak, one of the leads in the movie.

ME: Rumor has it he has a big one.
ADAM: Really?
ME: That's the word on the street.

At our respective homes, we searched the internet for confirmation.

ADAM: All I find is a rumor of him giving himself blowjobs at parties. Hmph!
ME: You are awful. Email me those articles.
ADAM: I am clearly going to the wrong parties.

After more Googling, I gave up.

ME: I am so disappointed I can't find more about his dick. The internet has let me down. It's all the
same: likes Asian women, rumors can give himself a blowjob, blah, blah, blah.
ADAM: Again...I am clearly going to the wrong parties.
ME: You know...If I blogged about this, it would soooooo increase my traffic.

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Permalink | File Under: Chats, Friends, Movies

Okay! Okay! Okay!

Gah! I can't take a little break without The Internet? getting all over my ass? Geez!

And for the record, between the two of them, I talk (chat, IM, text message, whatever) with Adam
& The Zenchick like a bazillion times a day, so it's not like they haven't heard from me at all.

As for the rest of you, I am truly sorry if I worried you. I guess I wasn't very specific in my last post.

The craziness I referred to, was due to work-related stress, not SSRI withdrawal or strep throat or the sinus infection I got following the strep throat. It's been a fun few weeks filled with mulitple visits to the pharmacy and various health care professionals.

Just so you know, I am now SSRI free and I feel fine. Great in fact.

And Patrick...you were right. *wink*

I won't write specifically about the work-related stress here. I have no desire to ever be dooced. I will say it has been a true test of the newly un-medicated Other Brian. I've been viewing situations, professionally and personally, and can see a distinct difference between the way the old Brian would have handled things opposed to the way the new improved Brian does.

It's The New Improved Other Brian, now with Mountain Fresh Scent!

Adam never got to see the old Brian, just the transition Brian, which is pretty close to the new Brian. One night he asked what the old Brian was like.

"Oh, you would have hated that guy. He was too quiet and shy. He was all wrapped up in what he thought other people thought of him. He had no confidence or idea of who he was. He was a real drag."

Last week I had my first appointment with my therapist after a six week break. I told her about all the shit going on and how I reacted to it. She asked how the old me would have dealt.

"He would have internalized it all and made himself sick over it. He would have been miserable."

"And the new..."

"The new me is decisive. He responds quickly and takes action immediately."

"That's great."

"Yeah. It is."

So know that despite all the bullshit going on, I am taking steps to fix it. And it will be fixed.

Thank you all for your emails and comments. I really, really, really, appreciate them. Next time I take a blogging vacation, I will try to drop you a few postcards.

Comments (6)
Permalink | File Under: Depression, Life

This has been a bad, bad week. My eyes sting and stomach hurts from stress. I'd cry, but I'm too pissed. I tried to sublimate my rage through cardio. It didn't help. I binge ate afterwards.

MAK and Zenchick are right. Chubby Hubby rocks.

I'll be back once I'm less crazy.

XXOO,
The Other Brian

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Permalink | File Under: Life

UPDATE: I just read this post and realized I forgot to put the ONE thing I intended to put when I started writing this post. It just sort of took a life of its own and I forgot my original intentions. I guess I am still pretty out of it.

Gracias,
The Other Brian

Well, I know it's rough, but I am going back to work tomorrow in time to work one day before the holiday weekend. One day after a six day weekend. Not bad - huh?

Oh wait...there were the fevers, chills, night sweats, body aches, loss of appetite and constant sore throat. Real fun. So much fun that I forgot about all the crazy from weaning off the SSRI. But no worries, those side effects just took a back seat for a few days, waiting for their turn at the wheel. They are driving now that the strep throat is in the car seat in the back being spoon-fed antibiotics, which of course, give me diarrhea.

Nice vacation. Can't wait to get the photos back.

And all the while I bitch about my pain, I've been reading about hers and I think "What the fuck am I bitching about? Sure, I'm uncomfortable but Gawd! Look what she's going through."*

It's given me some perspective.

Oh, how my heart breaks for this family. Jon and Heather are amazing people. I knew this when I first started reading her years ago. It was this post. In that moment I thought, "She's a bitch. She's my hero! I heart her. I want to BE her."

I have used the word "crag" often in my daily vernacular since that day.

Heather has always been ballsy, fresh and candid and in my opinion the fucking funniest woman on the web.

I admire her so much for sharing her life, its joys and hardships, her family, her photos, her embarrassing moments, her happiness, her pain, her disease with total strangers.

She is simply remarkable. I heart her even more than ever.

*Before anyone says it, Yes! I know my pain is real and I don't discount anything I am going through simple becuase it's not as bad as what other people have gone through. It is very real to me. Trust me. But it helps knowing someone going through something so much worse than I can ever imagine, has the strength to not only survive but recover and become a better person despite it. THAT is what helps me most of all.

PS - Another thing Heather's done for me is curse me. I somehow had NEVER heard Bootylicious until this day. (At the time she had links to the MP3s.) Since then, it's become my silly "make me smile" song. It's also my, "drive The Roommate up a wall" song too.

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Permalink | File Under: Depression, Life, Thinking