You should know four things before reading the following IM chat:

• For my birthday, Adam gave me a can of Maine's finest crab dip. (I'm not sure why. UPDATE: Adam says he did tell me why. He said it was because I don't travel and it's from the farthest place he's been to. Oddly enough, I don't remember this part of the gift giving conversation.)
• I am having minor surgery later this week to correct a deviated septum. (No, it is not a nose job. There are soooooo many other procedures I'd consider before touching my nose.)
• Adam is going as one of the Fanta Girls for Halloween. (I'm not sure why.)
• Adam and I have some fucked up chats.

Brian: i don't wanna go to work
Adam: me neither
Adam: and I won't!
Adam: muahaha!
Adam: not for 7 more days!
Brian: yea for you. boo for me.
Adam: aww.
Brian: but i only have to work 3 days
Brian: of course i'm having SURGERY after that. :-(
Adam: :(
Brian: if i don't make it...know i love you. :-(
Brian: and you can have the crab dip back to remember our friendship
Adam: LOL
Adam: oh hell no.
Adam: that shit's going in your coffin.
Brian: great
Brian: i'm being cremated. i don't want to be all dolled up for all to see
Adam: that's okay
Adam: we'll marinade you in it first
Adam: the flava will cook right in.
Brian: mmm...dead brian now in crab flavor
Brian: the cat will really like that
Adam: can I make you up like betty butterfield?
Brian: no, but you can make me up like mrs. butterworth
Adam: ewe
Adam: workin at the carwash
Adam: whoaoaoaoaoa
Brian: my funeral is just going to be a big pancake breakfast
Brian: held at the biz
Adam: LOL
Adam: creepy.
Adam: can we do karaoke too?
Brian: sure!
Brian: only if you sing abba
Adam: sos?
Brian: waterloo
Adam: argh
Adam: okay.
Adam: my my
Adam: at waterloo napoleon did surrender
Adam: oh yeah!
Adam: and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way
Adam: waterloo! I was defeated along the wall
Brian: see...you already know the words
Brian: and you can use your fanta girl wig
Adam: LOL
Adam: :D
Brian: everyone has to dress in drag at my pancake funeral...i mentioned that, right?
Brian: and we should have chris isaak there to "perform" if you know what i mean.
Adam: holy cripes.
Adam: why do we have to wait for you to die to have this party again?
Brian: i hope you aren't suggesting having me killed
Adam: lol!