ME: Did I tell you about my date last Friday?

DEEK: Did he try to order for you?

ME: Ha ha. No. He had dirt under his fingernails.

DEEK: Landscaper?

ME: Software engineer.

Note to potential gentleman callers: Wash your hands including under your fingernails.

ME: He also avoided eye contact with me during the entire date.

DEEK: Where was he looking?

ME: At the invisible person to my right.

DEEK: Maybe he has a lazy eye.

ME: Maybe he has two lazy eyes.

Note to potential gentleman callers: Make some eye contact for chrissake.

DEEK: Maybe he was nervous.

ME: I think he was. He was sweating a lot.

Note to potential gentleman callers: Do I really need to say it?

DEEK: Did you have anything to talk about?

ME: Only because I guided the whole conversation. After about five minutes, I switched to practice dating mode. Brushed up on my conversation skills. It was hard because I was so not into being there.

Note to potential gentleman callers: Don't make me ask all the questions.

ME: Bottom line. There was no chemistry.

DEEK: You can't fake that.

ME: Nope. I had more chemistry with the guy I passed on the way to the bathroom.

Note to self: Try to be more subtle when checking out other guys while on a date.