I've never been a believer of fortune telling. I credit this to the educational programming of my youth, mainly the television show Alice. Alice taught me three things. First, I learned what grits were. Second, I learned the Uncle Bud song that Diane Ladd's character Belle sang. I still remember all the words. And lastly, Alice taught me that fortune telling and curses and such are crap.

Once Alice caught a fake Gypsy (I have to wonder if there were actually Gypsies around in the Seventies or just fake ones?) lifting silverware from Mel's Diner. To punish Alice for calling her out, she puts a hex on her involving the color brown. Alice then becomes a walking disaster. She drops a brown tray of dishes. I think something happened involving a man who's last name was Brown. I don't really remember. But I do remember, she eventually figures out it's all a mind game and calls the bogus Gypsy's bluff.

Through the tutelage of Alice, I learned that hexes and curses were a load of crap. I just sort of parlayed that into everything else along that same line: palm reading, crystal balls and tarot cards. So imagine my surprise when at Halloween I paid twenty bucks to have my cards read.

I had no interest in it when I went to the party. They had a separate room set up for her. Everyone told me she's always been very accurate with their reading for years. I was skeptical, but slightly intrigued. I kind of wanted to see it for myself so I could expose her for the fraud she had to be, just like Linda Lavin.

After someone's reading, she came out to see if anyone else wanted a reading. She was wearing a Winnie the Pooh button down. "This is the oh-so-accurate tarot card reader? Puh-lease!" I thought. She didn't look like a Gyspy. Where's all the eye makeup and cheap gold jewelry? I thought these people were suppose to dress like Stevie Nicks, not the grandma that runs the neighborhood daycare.

Adam asked if I was going to go. I started to say no, but then I suddenly got nervous about it. I was kind of scared about it and that kind of weirded me out. It was the same kind of fear I've felt when I had doubt in myself and later regretted not having the experience. "Fuck it," I thought. I got up and went into the "reading room."

The only information I gave her was my first name. I offered nothing else. She shuffled her deck, told me to cut the cards, put them back and dealt them in that tarot formation. "Let's see whatcha go Lady," I thought.

Oddly enough, everything she focused on was career and money oriented. "You have a career change coming soon." No shit, I just got laid off. What else you got? "You will have plenty of money in 2005 and not have to worry about it." This was around the time when I was starting the really worry about my unemployment.

Most of the stuff she told me was stuff in the future, so I wasn't that impressed. I mean she had my twenty bucks already. She could have told me anything and that didn't mean it was true.

She did tell me one thing that peeked my interest. "You have spent a great deal of time this year bettering yourself." That was pretty specific and of course true.

In retrospect, most of the stuff she told me has come true. I didn't get a new job and like she said, it would be a challenge and I'd have plenty of work to do, but I'd handle it just fine. I don't know about the money situation for 2005. It's working out pretty good now, but let's keep our fingers crossed. If it turns out to be yet another lean year, that tarot card reader can kiss my grits.