A lot of folks say the real breakout star of 24 this year is Mary Lynn Rajskub who plays Chloe with such abrasive charm. The producers have expanded her role tremendously this season and she's provided she actual does have range during the moment Edgar died from nerve gas poisioning as she watched helplessly. Of course she snapped back to her usual tact-free self about 14.23 minutes after the silent countdown salute and his body went cold.

But I say the real breakout star this season is Jack Bauer's Man Purse. It's the shit. He's got it with him everywhere. That thing is loaded more that Batman's utility belt. Plus, I like a fictional counter-terrorism agent who isn't afraid to show a little style while kicking some terrorist ass and simultaneously getting fucked over by his own government.

Also, after 19 hours of non-stop action, I'm pretty sure the man purse not only has and endless supply of ammo, but a compartment for Depends. Now THAT is functionality.

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Permalink | File Under: Raving

I'm thinking about designing a line of business cards people could leave on the windshields of jerks for various transgressions against mankind. Yeah, it's been done before, but I feel like having a good rant today.

Some ideas:

Hey Asshole! Next time you park, consider leaving a bottle of lube so I can fucking squeeze in to get into my car. www.idlube.com

Hey Asshole! This message is from your dog. Thanks for leaving me inside a car with no air-conditioning and the windows rolled up so my brain can fry. PS - I took a dump in your favorite shoes.

Hey Asshole! Traditionally in this country we parking inside the lines. Of one space. Try it next time.

Hey Asshole! You probably noticed the space you parked in said "reserved" but you obviously misunderstood because it's not reserved for you. Hopefully you are reading this in the impound lot where I had you towed.

Hey Asshole! I'm sorry you have such a tiny penis and have to compensate for it by jacking up your vehicle on hydraulic lifts making Barbie's dream ride look ridiculous. PS - You are fooling no one. We all know it's tiny.

I'm open to suggestions. Any ideas?

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Permalink | File Under: Ranting

Yes, this is belated, but this is seriously too effed up not to share.

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Permalink | File Under: Sharing

"The government do take a bite, don't she?" — Payroll clerk in Raising Arizona

For six word story.

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Permalink | File Under: Photos

Unfortunately The Thing I Shouldn't Blog About™ got much, much worse this week and resulted in a week of feeling frustrated, angry and upset, but it is, as they say, what it is and hopefully will soon be over and I can move on and actually feel like blogging without having to be evasive as to what is pissing me off. I like my pissed offness airing out in the open for public consumption and gossip mongers.

So on to topics that can be discussed among the four of you who read my blog. It's Easter weekend and that means one thing: dinner at Kristin and Kandice's. There is always good eating to be had a those ladies' house. I have been requested to once again make Angry Black Bitch's Corn Casserole Yumminess. In fact, it was such a hit last time I brought it for dinner that I've been instructed to bring two so there would be leftovers for everyone to take home.

I'll say this about the ABB, a Bitch knows how to cook a good casserole. Dayum good!

Other than that, I plan on either cleaning or sleeping all weekend. Wanna take bets which one wins out?

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Permalink | File Under: Cooking, Life

Homer popped into Scottsdale yesterday morning to take me out for breakfast. I don't think that makes him my Sugar Daddy® but it definitely makes him my Omelette Daddy®. It's always nice to see Homer. We once laugh about wildly inappropriate things that will no doubt secure our place in hell, if there were such a thing. Silly myths.

After that I puttered around the house pretending to do chores. Load of laundry here. Wash some dishes there. Work on a website for a bit. Uploaded photos.

Throughout the course of the day I could feel myself getting moody and cranky dreading the next morning. It is currently The Thing I Shouldn't Blog About™ which really frustrates me because this is suppose to be my outlet for getting shit out...therapy on a web server. But for many months, I don't feel like I have the freedom to do so here and THAT truly sucks.

So for the meantime, I hunker down and listen to Loverboy's "Everybody's Workin' for the Weekend" on the radio in my head and eventually my thoughts turn to tight, red leather pants and that makes me giggle. Aw, the Eighties. So much tragic excess accompanied by a Roland synthesizer.

Permalink | File Under: Depression, Friends, Music, Ranting

Disclaimer: This is not a well articulated post, but then again...are any of them?

I'm going on record now. I fucking love Roller Derby. I mean FUCKING LOVE IT so much that I'll end this sentence in many reinforcing exclamation points to illustrate how much I fucking love it!!!!!!! Like OMFGBBQ it rawks!

I love it so much, I'm actually going to make it its own category. THAT'S a fan baby.

Last night's bout was awesome. A great game. I think I finally understand Jennifer's unnatural obsession with OU football. I get it now Jenn! I was yelling and cheering my head off so much that my voice is a little hoarse today. I think I even yelled "Woot! Woot!" at some point.

I've always leaned towards the Surly Gurlies for my favorite team, and after last night there is no doubt I am a fan of those lovely, tough pirate ladies. Those girls fought a hard game last night and even though they didn't win, they did an outstanding job.

We sat next to the boyfriend of one of the jammers for the Gurlies, Hippy's Revenge. He was really nice explaining the game to the newbies and sharing some insights about the inner workings of the team. Nicest guy with a blue mohawk ever.

Next month's bout is going to be outside which I think will be so good! Last time the bout was outside it was a wee bit cold but it's getting warmer and warmer every day here, so and outdoor game will be nice before we are all forced to bathe in SPF 90 and hibernate indoors.

PS - Check out the hott pics at the Arizona Roller Derby Pool.

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Permalink | File Under: Raving, Roller Derby

To quote Jill Scott, "This is for grown folks." All ya'll with kids or nazi bosses may wanna wait to view until the kiddies and your IT spies are in bed.

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Permalink | File Under: Movies, Sharing

Homer likes to post pictures of food he makes. And also pictures of him talking on the phone with me. (Doesn't he seem delighted with talking to me on the phone? I must be a stunning conversationalist.) So it seems only fitting that I post pictures of the soup I made while talking on the phone with him.

First there are the finest ingredients: chicken strips, vegetable broth, garbanzo beans, black beans, roasted corn, roasted tomatoes...all good stuff. Pretty much I just go through my cabinets and freezer and pull out anything that sounds good.

"What about the spices?" you may be asking. No need for spices here because I'm going to let you in on my little secret: Chicken Chile Verde from Trader Joe's. All the spices and chiles you need are nicely frozen together in one need little blob. Just throw it in your pot with the broth and let it melt on medium heat. Once I melted cheese with this for a tasty dip. It's very versatile. [Insert gay joke here.]

Once I added the tomatoes, there was very little room left in the pot. (Oh no!) I had to choose what not to add. I like black beans so that was staying for sure. I'm too lazy to make hummus so I needed to use the garbazo beans. The choice was clear. Roasted corn...the tribe has spoken. Back to the freezer for you. This was about the point where Homer started talking to me about his cat's anal glands again. Not exactly what you want to hear over a pot of soup. Then again, when is a good time to discuss feline anal glands?

So finally, the soup is done and ready to be devoured. I serve it over tortilla chips. I went a little overboard on the cheese. I also have a ton left over to take some for my lunches this week.

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Permalink | File Under: Cooking

My hair has been a mess for a couple weeks and I've been too lazy to make an appointment to get it cut so I decided to go to a barber today.

I realized this morning that I haven't had a man cut my hair since I was a boy and went to my father's barber. Eventually, my aunt started cutting it and then one female stylist after another over the years. When my regular gal who's been cutting my hair since 1998 was on maternity leave, I went to a barber, but the barber available when I showed up was a woman. A woman who reeked of cigarettes and a tuna fish sandwich. Gross, but she gave a good cut.

I went to a shop that Deek goes too. "It's run by an old Mormon guy and he does a great job," he said. "Oh, and his son is very nice to look at."

He wasn't kidding. And he's the guy who cut my hair. He did a great job too.

Afterwards, I went to Deek's to show him my haircut and ask him a question.

"So when you're getting your hair cut, does the son press his cock against your arm when he's cutting? Cause that happened several times. Not that I'm complaining."

"Oh yeah, that's the bonus of getting your hair cut by the son and not the dad."

"I'll say. I gave him a big tip too for that," I said.

"Hell yeah! I usually just give the dad a dollar. I give the son five."

"Me too!"

I now see the benefits of going to barber.

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Permalink | File Under: Life