Submit to Temptation
Happy Halloween! Have a cup of joe. It will only cost you your soul. Mwhahahahaha!!
Happy Halloween! Have a cup of joe. It will only cost you your soul. Mwhahahahaha!!
Sad news. Today, during my daily walk to Starbucks with Korina, we discovered the toothbrush we've seen every day for almost six months is gone. We looked around to see if it was moved or blown away, but alas...it is gone, seemingly forever.
Goodbye nasty toothbrush. I hope no one is using you.
I'm having a little too much fun putting friend's names and bloggers in The Advertising Slogan Generator.
Silly Rabbit, Brian is for Kids.
Hands That Do Dishes Can Be Soft As Your Adam.
I'd Walk a Mile for a Homer.
The Lighter Way To Enjoy Deek.
Make It A Matt Night.
Watch Out, There's a Kacy About.
Semper Dyanna.
Don't Forget The Greg, Mum.
Marc: The Other White Meat.
Race for the Thomas.
Should Taste As Good As Korina.
Get Kristin or Get Out.
It's Not All Kandice, Kandice, Kandice, you know.
We're Serious About Mary.
Naughty, but The Maddi.
I'm Only Here For The Secret Simon.
If You've Got the Time, We've Got the Mark.
Make Room for the Tuna Girl.
8 out of 10 Owners who Expressed a Preference said Their Cats Preferred Patrick.
A Tough Mzouiser to Follow.
Grab Life by the Aaron.
Every Kiss Begins With Knotty Boy.
Any Time, Any Place, Jimbo.
Taste the Dogpoet.
Snap! Crackle! CB!
We Do Kyle Right.
Splash Josh And Josh All Over.
Faggoty-Ass Faggot, and on, and on...
That's the subject line of an email in my inbox.
Imagine my surprise.
"What are they implying?" I thought.
This is so not what I thought it would be about.
Many people have asked me why I no longer draw the Anne Heche cartoons. Against the advice of my legal team, I am going to tell you why.
I have been in a bitter dispute with Anne's owner over the depiction of her cat (who's name is actually Duchess or Kitty or something lame like that). This dispute can be summed up in two words.
Hitler moustache.
Anne Heche has one. I didn't draw it.
That is our feud.
Said owner contends that the drawings no longer represent her cat. I contend that adding a black mark under the cartoon Anne's nose makes her look like Little Hitler Kitty. I also contend that I, like Erykah Badu, am an artist and I'm sensitive about my shit.
Once the lawyers got involved, it became very, very ugly.
I do realize many of you have a fondness for Anne Heche and all she represents. Therefore I give you this photo of Anne in her new digs.
Someone call the ASPCA.
I’m hanging out with Kristin and Kandice and we are watching TiVo’d episodes of The Ellen Degeneres Show.
Yes, they are lesbians. Obviously, they are hard-core lesbians since they are EFFING TIVOING ELLEN. That's commitment folks.
Any who...We are watching the episode that has Ellen meeting with a hypnotist to help her stop smoking. During the show she showed this video. We ROFL and rewound to watch it again.
Okay, not really ROFL…more like ROSL since we were on the sofa.
I've recently had a sort of realization. I've always been a somewhat creative person. I studied music in college and have always loved art and doodling and what not. I would say I've been fairly crafty. Not as crafty as some, but still crafty enough.
But over the last couple years, all of my creativity is done on a machine. I sit in front of computer all day and create graphics and web pages and layouts. When I get home, I download photos I've taken and play with adjusting the levels and colors. I do side web projects mostly for fun, but to challenge my design skills.
All. On. A. Compy.
*hrm*
Me thinks I need to get my hands messy with some glue or in the kitchen or something. Break out some paints. Anything. All this compy time can't be good for my brain.
Something awful has happened. It's something just SO terrible it chills me to the bone.
The snowbirds are here.
Yesterday seemed like any other day in the 'burbs. The sun was shining. All was well in The Cocoon. Then, they showed up. En masse. Like within an hour they were all here having migrated from their cooler climates ready to settle in for our mild, balmy winter here in the Valley of the Sun.
Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against the elderly. They have rich stories to tell and history we can learn from. And without them, we wouldn't be here.
But do they ALL have to come here for the winter? I understand the appeal of our winters. Winter here rocks! No snow. Very little cold. I haven't owned a coat since I moved here.
But I and my fellow Arizonans have earned our right to enjoy our winters. We earn it by suffering through each and every blistering, sun-scorched, I-feel-like-my-face-is-melting-off-the-bone summer. We deserve our winters.
But the snowbirds want their cake and eat it too, in their big fat oversized cars, driving down the freeway, going 10 miles an hour, with their left blinker constantly on, sporting their W '04 bumper sticker next to their out-of-state licence plate.
Seriously, yesterday on my way to the Trader Joe's I got stuck behind a snowbird how actually STOPPED at a green light. And just sat there. Stopped. At a green light.
Then at Trader Joe's, this lovely white-haired lady waited until the cashier was scanning her items to ask if they have orange juice, thus holding up the line for what seemed lke enough time for me to be considered geriatric while she retrieved a bottle of it.
Why here? Why not Florida? That's where the Golden Girls were. And don't old people love the Golden Girls? Or is that just gays and lesbians?
It's going to be a long winter.
So I saw this on Alden's site. (Not "All Done" mind you. It's Alden.) He did it in May, very creatively I might add, and it seemed like fun so here I go.
6:32 AM
Green Salsa is an important part of a balanced breakfast.
7:34 AM
Cube Sweet Cube.
8:55 AM
I just moved to this desk a couple weeks ago. I need to figure out what to do with the wall. Some artwork perhaps. Any suggestions?
9:42 AM
Every day Korina and I walk to Starbucks and feed The Machine® as well as our addictions. We've been doing this for several months. For that entire time, this toothbrush has always been there. I was on the side walk for a long time, but eventually was swept aside to the curb. And, like the dorks we are, we look to make sure it's there every day.
2:23 PM
I forgot to take my camera to lunch, so I brought some of the soup to show you. What's the secret ingredient of Le Peep's vegetable soup? Chicken!
Le Peep? More like Le Poop.
4:06 PM
I'm a bit of a clock-watcher, especially in the afternoon. Once it hits 4:30 PM, I am out of there. Usually.
5:07 PM
I took this picture because of Alden's May drawing. I love these shoes but they squeak when I walk. I could never be a ninja.
6:09 PM
Please ignore the dirty floor. It's the maid's week off.
7:14 PM
I had dinner at The Orange Table, one of my favorite places to eat. Conveniently it's just down the street from my house. The food is so good. I eat there often.
7:33 PM
I had the Taco Potstickers for dinner. They rock so hard.
8:09 PM
Later I called Homer. You know, it's difficult taking a photo of a phone. Very difficult.
8:26 PM
The night is still young.
Bonus: Halloween
And the bonus photo in the theme of Halloween.
It seems the well has run dry on takers for my "help me get rid of a stamp" campaign. Oh well, the fun had to end sometime.
I've heard from a few people who received their Very Special® correspondence. I hope the rest arrive safely.
So today is National Coming Out Day. I asked Mary Mo how she and her boyfriend were going to celebrate.
Me: how are you and harris celebrating national coming out day today?
Mary: well
Mary: he came out
Mary: early this morning
Mary: but I think Ill wait til after work
Mary: shhh, dont tell anyone
I don't remember the exact date I came out. It must have been about 12 years ago. I think it was late summer/early fall. I just remember sitting up in bed after I woke up and thought, "Today is the day."
I went to work but thought of nothing else. After work, I went home, took a shower and hopped in my car and drove to see my mother. I didn't even call first.
I listened to Reunion by Indigo Girls while riding down the highway. Yes, I was a lesbian back then.
Just on the outskirts of her town, I had a flat. So my surprise visit became a surprise for me. I called my mom and told her where I was. We took my car to a repair shop and ate dinner while waiting for my car. After that, we went to her house and I told her.
Take this however you like because it goes either way: things have never been the same since.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
Guess what I found yesterday on the end table next to the sofa.
That's right...MORE STAMPS. Oy. Why is it I can never find them when I actually need them?
Oh well, just means there are more opportunities to mail some goodness to the fine readers of this humble lil' blog.
So, hit me up while supplies last. (My email is in the upper right over there.)
We moved to another floor at my job yesterday. While cleaning out my desk I found not one, not two, not three but four books of stamps. FOUR!
I hate stamps. I rarely ever need them but when I do I can never find just one, so I'm buying 20 stamps. And then I can't find that book when I need them again so I end up buying another book of them. It's a vicious cycle with me and the postal service.
Looking at these stamps, I see that some are old. I'm not even sure how much stamps are. So if I use these, I'll likely put two on an envelope to make sure the postage is adequate.
Bah. I hate stamps.
So here's the deal. To exhaust my surplus, If you...yes you, send me your address, I will mail you something. May be a note. May be a card. May be a doodle. But it will a personal handwritten piece of correspondence from me which I'm sure you have been clamoring for.
You can email your address to me. You can find my email address up in the top right. You won't be added to any mailing lists except maybe a Christmahanukwanzaka list if I ever send out Christmahanukwanzaka cards.
However, probably what you do receive will have two stamps affixed.
