When I was in second grade, I fell over onto my bedroom floor buckled over in pain. I think I may have passed out eventually. The next day I was in the hospital preparing to have my appendix removed. Even at the tender age of seven, I was completely mortified when my mother asked my doctor if my appendix could be put in a jar so I could take it to show-and-tell.

Fast forward to 2000, I was working at the Really Big Corporation® and putting in 14-16 hour days working for a boss I loathed with the intensity of a thousand white hot suns. I had abdominal cramping, fevers, body aches. The first thing my doctor said to me was, "it sounds like you have appendicitis." I told him it was impossible since I didn't have an appendix. He asked if I could get those medical records, so I called my mom.

"Well, you had your appendix removed, but you didn't have appendicitis."

Uh...come again?

She told me I exhibited all the symptoms so naturally they thought my appendix was about to burst, but after they cut me open and removed it, they found nothing wrong with it.

Oddly, I remember her asking if I could take an internal organ to school but I don't remember having said organ removed for no reason. Oh well. I got a nifty scar and two weeks out of school. Yay me!

Armed with this new info, the tests began. X-rays. Sonograms. Lots of peeing in cups for tests. Some nasty medications.

Fed up without being able to find an answer, my doctor sent me to see someone else. He looked at my chart, felt my aching stomach and then asked me the magical question.

"What's been going on at work?"

(My original doctor never asked me that at all.)

I told him all about the long hours, etc. He looked up and told me I likely have irritable bowel syndrome or IBS.

Yay! An answer (sorta) and an acronym too.

He gave me some pills, but by that time most of my symptoms were diminishing since I hadn't been at work for several days.

Ever since then, I've used my stomach as a barometer for stress and done so with pretty good success. At the first stomach twinge, I'm all, "Whoa Nellie, let's pull back."

Unfortunately for the last three days, it's been pretty unavoidable. Lots of pain and lots of cramping. When I describe my symptoms to a friend, she says, "Are you sure you don't have PMS?"

If I do, Aunt Flo is a most unwelcome, unpleasant visitor for sure.