I really wasn't too concerned about this procedure. That is, until I went to my doctor's website and saw this. (View at your own risk.)

Yeah seriously, does anyone other than a gasterointerologist NEED to see that?

Then one night I dreamt that I woke up in the hospital after my colonoscopy only to discover a huge bandage on my stomach where the doctors performed surgery. My stomach was tender and hurt a lot. I was pretty groggy yet managed to get on my feet and get out of bed.

And that's when the 6 foot long colostomy bag rolled out from under my hospital gown and hit the floor.

I started wandering around the hospital, dragging the bag and it was pulling at my bandage and hurt a lot.

I kept asking for help and no one would. The colostomy bag was filling with fluid and was heavier to drag and causing me a lot of pain, so I sat down to rest.

And that's when I saw Oprah and Gayle. I asked them if they could help me but they just ignored me and started talking about me like I wasn't there. Once again, Oprah fails me.

Sometime after that, I woke up. No bandage. No 6 foot long colostomy bag. (EEK! Can you imagine?)

So any who...enjoy your Valentine's Day. And if you find your butt all greased up, hope it's for a better reason than mine.