Because Valentine's Day is All About the Love, And the Mildly Invasive Medical Procedures
I really wasn't too concerned about this procedure. That is, until I went to my doctor's website and saw this. (View at your own risk.)
Yeah seriously, does anyone other than a gasterointerologist NEED to see that?
Then one night I dreamt that I woke up in the hospital after my colonoscopy only to discover a huge bandage on my stomach where the doctors performed surgery. My stomach was tender and hurt a lot. I was pretty groggy yet managed to get on my feet and get out of bed.
And that's when the 6 foot long colostomy bag rolled out from under my hospital gown and hit the floor.
I started wandering around the hospital, dragging the bag and it was pulling at my bandage and hurt a lot.
I kept asking for help and no one would. The colostomy bag was filling with fluid and was heavier to drag and causing me a lot of pain, so I sat down to rest.
And that's when I saw Oprah and Gayle. I asked them if they could help me but they just ignored me and started talking about me like I wasn't there. Once again, Oprah fails me.
Sometime after that, I woke up. No bandage. No 6 foot long colostomy bag. (EEK! Can you imagine?)
So any who...enjoy your Valentine's Day. And if you find your butt all greased up, hope it's for a better reason than mine.
Comments
Been there, done that, and oddly enough, on the same date. I'll be keeping good thoughts for you!
Posted by: joey | February 14, 2007 07:08 AM
Oh, Sweetie! Why, oh, why did I click on that link?!?!
I love that the anus is also labeled (back passage). Just in case we were confused.
Have a good day, other wise, Brian!
Posted by: Karen | February 14, 2007 07:47 AM
Happy VD, Brian!
Here's hoping the end justifies the means! HA! End. Ahhh, I kill me.
Mwah.
Posted by: Kevin | February 14, 2007 09:20 AM
I think I saw that same video footage used in the movie Aliens when Sigorney was running down the egg tunnels searching for the little girl.
Posted by: cb | February 14, 2007 09:41 AM
Happy Butt Lovin' Day!
Let us know how things um....come out.
Posted by: mark | February 14, 2007 10:08 AM
I hope your doctor at least bought you dinner.
Posted by: Patrick | February 14, 2007 03:00 PM
oprah's a bitch. she's never there for anyone other than her bitch-closeted self. you should have run into ellen. she's always there for butt boys.
be well, and i hope your all better soon.
Posted by: kyle | February 14, 2007 03:30 PM
That's an awful dream...and don't give up on Oprah.
Posted by: patrick | February 15, 2007 01:32 PM
Good Lordy! That looks like a ride at Disney Land.
Posted by: Curtis | February 15, 2007 04:32 PM