Last Minute Costumes
Update: Since no one was entering our work's "Best Group/Department Costume," we did and won. Easiest $25 ever.
Update: Since no one was entering our work's "Best Group/Department Costume," we did and won. Easiest $25 ever.
I finally figured out what to do with that can of hearts of palm.
This costume is very versatile. Just flip the back part around and bring it to the front for...
Darth Vader or Lord Dark Helmet? You decide.
The Mummy. A classic. Plus, it's the toilet paper with the lotion. Very soothing for the can.
Get it? It's hearts of palm that's dressed as a palm tree. Get it?
A can of Trader Joe's Cajun Style Black Beans. Clever disguise.
Not to be confused with the other Tin Man.
My personal favorite: Frida Kahlo.
Yesterday my work had a health benefits fair. Many vendors set up tables to extol the virtues of their product. If you ever go to one of these, let me give you a bit of valuable advice. Whenever you are asked if you are a member of, have you tried, do you own or do you have an account with ___________; the answer should ALWAYS be yes. It saves a lot of time. Korina told the Chase Bank people she banked elsewhere and ten minutes later we were still listening to how great their mortgage rates are while I was calculating how quickly I could stab my ear drums with the free highlighter and Post-It® combo pen I got from the pharmacy vendor rendering myself deaf to their sales pitch.
Another tip is to NEVER try anything edible. Sadly, this is a lesson I only learned after trying a vitamin drink fortified with plankton yet smelled like an old lady's perfume.
My breath smelled like Nana.
(WOW! That last sentence is all kinds of wrong.)
Any who... I enter a raffle while there and won a prize. Here it is.
Um, yeah. I'd rather have the perfume-smelling vitamin drink.
A plant is not a prize. It's a responsibility. Some thing to take care of. Where's the reward in that? They might as well have given me a screaming baby with a dirty diaper. I repeat, a plant is NOT a prize! I'd rather have the six dollars this thing cost.
I give it a week before it turns brown and dies.
Dear Adobe,
Installing Creative Suite 3 on my work PC was a nightmare. When you roll out CS4, how about having the uninstaller actually uninstall everything. That would be nice. Or even better, maybe you can convince my boss to let me work on a Mac like God intended.
Sincerely,
Brian
Dear Germs®,
Stay away from me. I'm supposed to get a flu shot tomorrow and I can't if I'm sick so back off.
Sincerely,
Brian
Dear Beard,
Come back soon. I miss you.
Sincerly,
Brian
Dear Go To Quiz,
I do NOT have a southern accent. That's just plum crazy.
Bye Ya'll,
Brian
Dear Chad,
Nice job with T-Shirt Appreciation Day. You rock.
Sincerely,
Brian
I want to Crtl + Z my morning.
I woke up insanely early this morning from an annoying dream. I was asked to accompany a dance recital. No problem, I thought. And then I looked at the music. I was super easy but when I looked at it, it looked very complicated. And then I remember. I haven't played piano in over ten years. Eek! Get thee to a practice room. But I kept getting lost looking for a piano.
Next thing I know, I'm riding a bicycle on the way to my grandmother's house in Oklahoma. I keep getting text messages saying, "It's ten minutes until we start. Where are you?" So not only am I unprepared, but also late. A double whammy of regret. Thanks subconscious!
It was then that I pulled myself out of sleep because next I probably would have been standing in front of everyone in my underwear and no one needs to see that.
After I got out of bed, I stumbled to the bathroom to start my day. My beard is looking pretty scraggly, so I got out the clippers. After putting in my contacts, I grabbed the clippers and started trimming away. I see tons of hairs dropping into the sink and I think, "Man! I really am overdue for a trim."
Then it hits me. "Is that skin I see?"
I forgot to put the guard on the clippers.
Ugh.
I opted out of joining the Pornstach Hall of Fame, instead going all the way to clean shaven. My face feels so naked.
Don't get used to it.
By the way, Chad has declared today T-Shirt Appreciation Day, so later you may see me wearing this t-shirt on his site sporting a more scruffy look.
Kristin and I met Korina and Cara the Downtown Phoenix Public Market. I bought vegetables for a salad I was making to take to Liz and Eric's that afternoon. I didn't get any green tomatoes but ZOMG! don't they look so good?
I love Cara's t-shirt.
Later at Haus Ubersax, everyone took turns holding the baby.
Baby's First Beer.
To see other pictures, make clicky here.
It's bad enough that my doctor doesn't acknowledge that fact I've lost weight (per his persistent, nagging request. Yes doc, I know I'm a fatty. Workin' on it. M'kay?) but then I get a letter from him with my lab results.
PRINTED IN COMIC SANS!
When did I start seeing a pediatrician?
I'm so getting a new doctor.
Returning a missed call from Kristin.
Me: What's up?
Kristin: I can't remember if you are eating healthy or not.
Me: Depends.
Kristin: Well, Aunt Patti made all this food: ham, mac and cheese, dressing, fried green toma...
Me: I'll be right over.
Click.
I have the best neighbors ever.
And lucky us. We get to store the leftovers at our house.
After participating in the 12 of 12 project last year, I intended to do it more often. And then an entire year went by.
Oh well.
06:34
Further proof of my forgetfulness is that I was supposed to have had blood drawn last week. It kind of slip my mind, so I needed to go today. My doctor's checking my cholesterol, so I had to fast for the test. Any one who knows me, knows that breakfast is my favorite meal of the day, so I was ready to get that blood drawn so I could eat.
07:39
I actually have two of these because she couldn't get blood from the other arm.
I look like a junkie.
08:19
What better way to reward myself for getting my cholesterol checked than by having the BIGGEST FUCKING OMELET. I believe they called it an everything-but-the-kitchen-sink omelet.
09:29
Fridays are publishing days for the site so there is always lots to keep me busy. Brewing tea for iced tea helps.
12:41
Tim and Matt met me for lunch at Fuego Bistro. I love how the lady in back decided to be in the photo as well.
13:18
We split this yummy creation made of bananas, chocolate and walnuts.
Most. Phallic. Desert. Ever.
14:14
I always see self taken bathroom mirror shots on Flickr, but have never taken one until today. (I put the camera on the hand towel dispenser and set the timer.)
15:33
Busy making pretty, pretty for teh intarwebs.
Lately on Fridays, Thomas and I have dinner and hang out but today he is feeling very ill. You should have heard his voicemail. He couldn't say any consonants or breathe. Poor guy.
So I looked in the freezer to see if there was anything I wanted to eat.
17:56
Mmm... Ice. It's what's for dinner.
18:23
A trip to the store was needed.
19:03
Hunger took over and I ripped open a box of Triscuits while driving home. Eating out of a grocery bag in the car just seems so wrong to me. Next thing you know I'll be eating grapes while shopping for groceries and hand the cashier an empty bag at the checkout.
So what's a single gay guy to do on a Friday night?
19:25
Watch Ugly Betty, of course.
Dear Kristin,
We've been friends for a long time. Such a long time that I'd say it's been a LOOOOOOOOOOONG time with capital letters and extra vowels. Usually this type of friendship garners some loyalty. Some through-thick-and-thin-ism.
So why is it you won't watch America's Next Top Model with me?
I know you say you have enough television to watch, and I would tend to agree with that. You do after all record Paula Dean. (Really? Is that necessary?) But I'm sure we could trim your current scheduled programs to make time. ER, for example. I didn't even know that show was still airing. Surely they've gone full circle with all the possible ailments and injuries they can fix. What about Vintage WBNA? C'mon. The WBNA isn't old enough to be vintage.
But just like Jello, there's always room for America's Next Top Model. Hell. I only started watching it when The CW launched last year, and damned if that Tyra Banks didn't sink her meat hooks in me.
You should want to watch it because it's JUST. SO. BAD. It's awful and THAT'S why everyone loves it. And this season is the worst by far. They really scraped the bottom of the reality show contestant barrel for this cycle.
Some of what you've missed:
All this and SO much more await you Wednesdays at 7 PM. You don't even need to DVR it. Just walk next door and watch it with me. When was the last time we had Kristin And Brian Fun Time®? (Saturday at Crapplebee's doesn't count.)
So just suck it up and do it!
XO,
Brian
Mighty Girl's open letter to a persistent can of baby corn in her pantry, reminded me of my own pantry nemesis.
Behold.
Not just any can of hearts of palm, but a can of organic hearts of palm. Stick THAT in your wok and saute it.
Seriously, what was I thinking? I don't even know what hearts of palm are! Or what you do with them. I think the only reason they caught my eye is because I heard Sookie mention them on Gilmore Girls once. That's not a good enough reason to put them in a grocery cart.
What's worse is this is my SECOND can of hearts of palm. The first one sat in my cabinet for a year until I pulled it out to put it to use. As a door stop. I worked well keeping the door open, but eventually I tossed it.
And then a few months later, here it is again. I'll fess up. I bought it. But I'm claiming temporary insanity.
I'm open for suggestions. Any one know what to do with these? Recipes. Science experiments? Craft projects?
The sad thing is, I'm not sure I remember what some of these are for.
Dear Gays of the Intarwebs,
Please stop blogging spoilers and pictures from the Sex and the City movie shoot. Some of us don't want to know.
You people are worse than the gomos who salivated over every production sketch for the Transformers movie. (So, Bumblebee wasn't a VW Bug. Wah. Get over it.)
By definition "spoil" equals bad, so knock it off!
Regards,
Brian
In August, Keith of fred flare, asked for people to burn a CD of their favorite songs and mail them to him for his birthday. In return, he'd make one and mail it back. So I sent him one. I got mine yesterday and it's awesome. It has great tracks by Inner City, Prince and so much more. And some really hot mashups. He also threw in a copy of The Kung Fu Girls CD. It's very cool. Fun stuff.
Today, I received a book from a certain Goonies-obsessed Simon Pegg fan. It's called Bad Cat and it's like LOLcats in book form. I loves me some LOL[person, place or thing] after all. Thanks Mikey!
Speaking of books, I'm currently reading The Amateur Gourmet: How to Shop, Chop, and Table Hop Like a Pro (Almost) by Adam Roberts. I've been a fan of Adam's for a while now, but I gotta tell ya. This book impresses the hell of me. I knew he was an excellent writer, but this book is a pure joy to read; warm, funny and completely charming. I highly recommend it.
And finally, Doug Savage of Savage Chickens recently won the Laura Veirs video contest. It rocks.
It was a day filled with outrageous grievances. Today I saw my doctor for the first time since he sent me off to have Katie's Wild Ride with the gastroenterologist. I was looking forward to seeing him and fully prepared to have him shower me with praise for losing 30 pounds. I fully expected he and his physician's assistant to gather the reception staff and do a congo line singing my praises.
He, however, said nothing about it.
You're not the first man to disappointment me, Doc.
I kept waiting for him to get to that portion of the chart, but he said not one word about it. He did however ask me if I was a slut and if he needed to check for HIV. I'm sort of paraphrasing there.
After he left, the physician's assistant brought me some paperwork so I asked her what my weight was compared to last time because BY GOD SOMEONE WAS GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT. She said she'd have to get the chart from the doctor and indicated it would take a few minutes to do that, implying that she really didn't want to do it. I told her I was okay with waiting.
Alas, still no congo line. Oh well.
On my way to work, I stopped by the Apple store to pick up a couple things for work. For this purchase, I was given a nameless Visa gift card. After one of the über-geek helpful employees got what I needed from the back, I was being checked out next to a man who was buying an iPod shuffle.
Our transactions were being rung up at the same time. We both handed our cards for payment at the same time. Only, he was then asked to show his ID to verify his credit card. The cashier inspected both to see if the names match. My card has GUEST SHOPPER embossed on the front and has the activation sticker still affixed to the front of the card, and yet I was asked to show nothing. I kept looking at the customer, then the two clerks, then the customer, then the two clerks, thinking someone must notice what's going on here. I mean, it's so blatant.
Oh wait. Did I mention the other customer was black? My bad.
When I called Thomas to relate this, I left that little piece of information out too. ("Brian, I don't see what the big deal is." "Um, isn't this what you do for a living? Isn't this like your bread and butter Captain Diversity?")
I wondered why the customer didn't notice this or say anything about it. Thomas said, "Probably because he's used to it happening."
Sad, but probably true.
