Yesterday my work had a health benefits fair. Many vendors set up tables to extol the virtues of their product. If you ever go to one of these, let me give you a bit of valuable advice. Whenever you are asked if you are a member of, have you tried, do you own or do you have an account with ___________; the answer should ALWAYS be yes. It saves a lot of time. Korina told the Chase Bank people she banked elsewhere and ten minutes later we were still listening to how great their mortgage rates are while I was calculating how quickly I could stab my ear drums with the free highlighter and Post-It® combo pen I got from the pharmacy vendor rendering myself deaf to their sales pitch.

Another tip is to NEVER try anything edible. Sadly, this is a lesson I only learned after trying a vitamin drink fortified with plankton yet smelled like an old lady's perfume.

My breath smelled like Nana.

(WOW! That last sentence is all kinds of wrong.)

Any who... I enter a raffle while there and won a prize. Here it is.

Um, yeah. I'd rather have the perfume-smelling vitamin drink.

A plant is not a prize. It's a responsibility. Some thing to take care of. Where's the reward in that? They might as well have given me a screaming baby with a dirty diaper. I repeat, a plant is NOT a prize! I'd rather have the six dollars this thing cost.

I give it a week before it turns brown and dies.