An Open Letter To My Friend Kristin
Dear Kristin,
We've been friends for a long time. Such a long time that I'd say it's been a LOOOOOOOOOOONG time with capital letters and extra vowels. Usually this type of friendship garners some loyalty. Some through-thick-and-thin-ism.
So why is it you won't watch America's Next Top Model with me?
I know you say you have enough television to watch, and I would tend to agree with that. You do after all record Paula Dean. (Really? Is that necessary?) But I'm sure we could trim your current scheduled programs to make time. ER, for example. I didn't even know that show was still airing. Surely they've gone full circle with all the possible ailments and injuries they can fix. What about Vintage WBNA? C'mon. The WBNA isn't old enough to be vintage.
But just like Jello, there's always room for America's Next Top Model. Hell. I only started watching it when The CW launched last year, and damned if that Tyra Banks didn't sink her meat hooks in me.
You should want to watch it because it's JUST. SO. BAD. It's awful and THAT'S why everyone loves it. And this season is the worst by far. They really scraped the bottom of the reality show contestant barrel for this cycle.
Some of what you've missed:
- They had a contestant named Spontaniouse. You read that correctly. SPONTANIOUSE. You can't make that stuff up.
- Tyra's gone green this year. Eco-Friendly. Non-Smoking. You love that stuff.
- Bianca. She's got a twenty-five dollar weave and is chocked-full of ghetto attitude to boot.
- We could be having thoughtful debates if it's called "AH-SPERGER'S" Syndrome or "ASS-BURGER'S" Syndrome.
- Last cycle's winner, Jaslene. Can't spokes model her way out of a paper bag and sounds just like a deaf person speaks. Her Covergirl commercials hurt to watch, but in a good way.
All this and SO much more await you Wednesdays at 7 PM. You don't even need to DVR it. Just walk next door and watch it with me. When was the last time we had Kristin And Brian Fun Time®? (Saturday at Crapplebee's doesn't count.)
So just suck it up and do it!
XO,
Brian
Comments
It is so bad. I havne't watched at all this season. Is there a marathon soon?
Posted by: Geggie | October 10, 2007 11:05 AM
My dearest Brian,
While I always appreciate your input on my cultural television time, I thought I’d just correct a few inaccuracies. I do not record Paula Dean on a regular basis. I recorded one episode to look at a particular recipe which, now that I’m eating healthy, I’ll be forever unable to make. Next, there is no Vintage WNBA. We can barely get the current games on TV. My team was bumped for Little League twice this year alone. As for ER, I was tempted to stop watching until they brought in the Bend it like Beckam doctor who is amazing, and then John Stamos who, while he can’t act so well, is still quite lovely to look at. In the end, I'm with the show as long as Abby is there. As for Top Model, the best parts will be discussed, detailed and all but shown as interpretive dance – so really why should I spend all that time watching every episode? As a good friend, I know you’ll make sure I see anything of pop culture significance. Most likely with cat like captions hovering above their heads.
Is this just really about getting some quality K&BFT? I know there are those nasty 40 hours of work that pull us away, and my bad habits of going to the gym, church and spending time with my girlfriend. But I think we can do better! Thought my schedule has been a bit tight…
This week - Last night I spent two hours at my friend Brian’s house (watching his favorite snippets of the last Top Model).
Last weekend - Went to Roller Derby with my friend Brian. Then went to dinner with my friend Brian.
Last week - Asked my friend Brian, who lives next door to me so we see each other all the time, to come for a walk with me at the park for some quality time.
I think I see the problem. I’ll try to do better. :-P
Love and smooches,
Kristin
Posted by: Kristin | October 10, 2007 05:13 PM
you KNOW Jaslene rocked some pics last year... but she does sound like a deaf barrio latina.
I don't have a favorite this year, but I want to see ass-burger girl go far.
Me love Tyra. AND NIGEL!!
Posted by: cb | October 11, 2007 11:41 AM
Nobody does it like CariDee.
Posted by: robbie | October 11, 2007 06:06 PM
BLASPHEME! Melrose should have won that!
Posted by: Brian | October 11, 2007 06:09 PM