My blog doesn't feel like a very happy place lately because frankly, my life isn't a very happy place lately. I'm tired of blogging about not having a job and the panic associated with it just as I'm sure you are tired of reading about it.

I spent today applying for jobs, crying and furiously washing dishes; because when I'm upset, I clean. By next Tuesday, I expect this apartment to be spotless.

I hate the uncertainty. I hate what crappy news tomorrow may bring. I hate the fact I am anticipating more crappy news tomorrow, instead of looking forward to a new day but you know what? It is PAR FOR THE FUCKING COURSE lately.

I hate that all I want to do is sleep.

I hate hearing about other people going through the same thing I am. I hate not being able to help them.

I hate having to ask for help.

I hate this kind of negativity but honestly, I have nothing else on my mind.

I hate feeling this way.