A couple weeks ago, I started thinking about Mondo Beyondo. I've done them before, they are super empowering and energizing. But when I remembered it was time for a new list, I just wasn't feeling it.

All I've been feeling lately is numb. Last year, especially the last few months of it, left me very shaken. Going through two layoffs in one year was no picnic. While my head said, "You'll be fine. You'll land on your feet," during the second layoff, my heart was thinking, "I'm not sure how much more I can take of this." Luckily, I got through it, relatively unscathed.

When I told my friends about the temp job I started at the beginning of the year, they'd always ask me if I was excited. I wasn't. Don't get me wrong – I was very relieved and happy to have a job and finally income again. But I couldn't muster any excitement about it. The economy is still shaky and this job isn't a sure thing. I still feel unstable, like at any moment another layoff could be coming. And being a contract employee, it would be much easier to get rid of me.

So the thought of listing my goals and what I want to create for myself hasn't been something I've wanted to face yet because when I do start to think about it, I only get as far as KEEP MY HEAD ABOVE WATER.

I thought I might have caught a break because Andrea hadn't posted about Mondo Beyondo yet. Maybe she forgot. Maybe she was too busy. Maybe she didn't want to face it either.

Today, she posted.

And it's good she did, because I NEED to face this fear — that's what it is: big, old, stinking, useless fear. The last thing I need is to spend the whole year walking around like a zombie, trying not to feel or trying not to care. I can't let the craptastic events of last year overshadow the awesomeness that made 2008 a great year or ruin this year before it's even in full swing.

Rejuvenation begins with a simple list.

• Post this on the fridge. The problem with blogging about this is that it gets buried in the archives. I need this to be front and center.

• Embrace my oddball nature. I've always felt a bit like an outsider looking in. Call it what you want: unique, weird, different. You know what? I like that about myself.

• Treat myself better. Whether that is eating healthier (already on it,) or actually using my gym membership after an extended hiatus, or just being more respectful of my self, I will do it.

• Tell more stories. I don't know why you read my blog. When I look at it, it seems like the most boring thing ever to me. Not that it needs to be more exciting in content, but could I at least describe my day without resorting to using ALL CAPS SIMPLY FOR EMPHASIS? (Not that I intend to cut that out.)
  
  There are so many things I never share here. I'm not sure if that is because I'd rather keep them to myself, or because I don't know HOW (see!) to share them. I think I know where to start.

• Become a better designer. I am very lucky to have a job that allows me to be creative, and yet, I have so much to learn. This is where I start.

And that's it. I'm keeping it short and sweet this year. I think I can at least accomplish the first one. As for the second one, waaaay ahead of you on that. The other three are ones I've already given some thought to and started.

Whew. That wasn't so scary after all.

Now it's your turn. What do YOU want to create for yourself this year?