I hate coming home.

When I walk up to my apartment, I know he's not sitting in the window. When I open the door, he's not standing there welcoming me home. When I go to bed, he's not sleeping on the pillow next to me.

I'd like to say it's getting easier — in some regards, it is — but the sadness washes over me from time to time. Sometimes I'm surprised when and what triggers it.

It will take some time before it feels normal again.

I've found a tremendous amount of comfort in the kind and caring comments and emails you truly amazing people have sent me over the last couple of weeks. It's very humbling and I treasure every one of them.

Thank you all.

On to the business of this month's banner. This has been something that's been bouncing around in my head for quite some time but any time I've try to execute it, it's just been wrong. By creating these banners, I've learned that sometimes they have their own time table and trying to force them just doesn't work.

It is inspired by one of the many beautiful songs written by Jonatha Brooke. You can read the lyrics here. Here's the part that leaves me a weeping mess.

And I'll still look you in the eye
It's the longest goodbye
I'll feel the air, make the catch
But I won't swing back
My timing is clear
And I'll never fear
I'll swing 'til there's no net below
Yeah, I'll swing 'til there's no net below

Enjoy.

Again, I thank you all so very much.