Last week, I emailed my mother some photos from Julie & Jason getting married, including a photo of Kristin & I.

She replied quickly.

Cute pictures. Glad that you all had a fun afternoon. Have you been sleeping well? Looks like you have dark circles under your eyes – or is it just the lighting? Take care – Love, Mom

The thing about mothers is they know which buttons to push because they installed them.

I replied that of course the lighting was bad. It's a courtroom and reminded her I would soon be turning forty.

"Here's a guide to help you with this transition."

So, it's here finally. Forty. FORTY! I've been getting a lot of questions how I feel about it. To be honest, I feel just fine. For months now, when people asked me how old I was, I never said 39. I always said, "I'll be 40 next year," or "I'll be 40 in August."

Maybe that was my way of preparing for The Big Four Oh® but I think instead, I've been looking forward to forty.

My thirties were spent figuring out a lot of shit. I clocked a lot of hours on my therapist's couch. I spent a lot time getting my (mind's) house in order. Clearing out the shit that wasn't useful. Renovating what was there to make it better. More inviting. Making it a more welcoming place.

My life is very different from what it was ten years ago. I am very different.

I've said it before, but it bears repeating. The last year has been a difficult one. Loss of jobs. Loss of Elliott. Loss of health. But when I look back on the last fifteen months, I don't reflect on what was bad about them, but the good stuff.

My friends are the most generous, helpful awesome people and I truly am blessed for having them in my life.

As hard as it was to see Elliott go, I am so grateful for the time I had him, especially the time we spent together during his last three weeks.

As painful and difficult June was, it has made me reevaluate how I want to spend the rest of my time here and where I want my life to go.

I didn't mean to say much with this post. Funny how the fingers start flying some time.

So here's to forty. The best has yet to come.

Speaking of those awesome friends, I spent Saturday with many of them. It was a perfect evening and exactly what I wanted.

Photos are on Flickr.