I was cleaning the kitchen the other day and found the printout of my Mondo Beyondo for this year. It had fallen off the refrigerator where it was posted. I must have put it on top of the fridge. I read what I wrote in January. There it was written in bold letters, "Tell more stories," — my pledge for this year. I didn't forget about it, I just haven't been in a place where I've wanted to share. It's time to get over that.
I've been avoiding writing about this for a few months. The results of the MRI were not great. I have a herniated disk. My doctor referred me to a neurosurgeon without even asking how I felt or was I still in pain before telling me the results.
I fired him.
Currently, I'm doing okay-ish. I can work a full day and lead a mostly normal life. But there is pain. Every single day. Usually it's a mild ache or occasional discomfort, but it is persistent. Physically, I'm limited what I can do.
And there are drugs. Lots of drugs. I have more drugs in me than Charlie Parker. I detest taking medication. But it's a necessary evil I suppose. My chiropractor, who is pretty awesome, has been very helpful and supportive.
My new doctor has been pretty great so far. I'm still getting to know her, but the first thing she told me was surgery would be the last option after other treatments have been tried. I wanted to tongue kiss her for that. I have an appointment next week and will likely start physical therapy next month. I'm hoping that helps a lot. Meanwhile, I try to take it easy and avoid things that will aggravate my condition. It hurts the most when I have to stand up or sit down. If I sit too long the sciatica starts. My range of motion has decreased a lot.
The hardest part is feeling like this is never going to end. And feeling really fucking old. Forty is supposed to be the new twenty damnit! Not the new sixty-five. Sometimes it's like my life is divided into two parts: before this and after this. I don't even know what to call this exactly. The day-to-day struggle wears on my soul. It shows on my face that something's not right. But like every other challenge, I press on.
Pretty much this occupies most of my thoughts, and frankly I get tired of hearing myself talk about it. So, I doubt I'll have more stories to tell for a while. But you never know, there may be something that pops up once in a while.
Peace.
