Every time I look at my blog I think, "I need to do more interviews." It's been AGES since the last one. I've contacted a few folk about it but little things like anti-depression medication withdrawal and getting laid off kind of got in the way. Well, that and being a lazy fuck. So while chatting with Adam, International Man of Mystery?, the following occurred.

BRIAN: I need to do an interview. Wanna be interviewed?

ADAM: Sure.

B: Wanna do it now?

A: (laughs) Sure, I've got some time

B: How did you get started blogging?

A: I can't remember what prompted it originally. I'd written a little hand built HTML blog a few times back in 1996-1997, and I've always had a tendency to write journal-like e-mails to people even when I didn't have one. I probably got bored one day, tossed it up on my web server to see how it worked, and it went from there. By the time I started getting any serious amount of comments or traffic, I was hooked.

B: What do you feel is a serious amount of comments or traffic?

A: I just meant the early amounts of traffic. A handful of regular readers, some links to and from a couple of other blogs. It wasn't a lot, but it slowly changed from being a journal written to myself, cast onto the wind...into something more like a performance, in both my writing style and the topics I cover.

B: How would you describe your writing style?

A: Conversational stream of consciousness, I guess. Tongue in cheek, almost always. It takes people a while to get to know me and recognize the sarcasm. I've often written up posts that, read aloud, would clearly be deadpan comedy, but in writing just look like I'm telling the truth. Jonny thought I had herpes for months because I'd thrown it out jokingly at some point.

B: (laughs) How long have you and Jonny been friends?

A: Well, I read his blog the first time somewhere in the vicinity of October 4th, 2003 - because despite seeing no pictures of him and only reading his posts, I had a dream that night about being in a library, bumping into him, and kissing him. He said that that dream intrigued him, and we ended up exchanging e-mails and a series of serial spy novel type messages, where each of us would pick up the next part of the story. I believe we were in a bar in Iceland, and the lights had gone out, and I was about to escape, when we decided to get together the first time in Las Vegas.

B: And then you met other local bloggers?

A: I'm trying to think of the first local blogger I met. I think it was D. She and her friend Amy and I went out to dinner and had a great time. I think I first found you somewhere around that time as well. In general, most Phoenix bloggers hadn't attracted my attention much.

B: Wait. There are other Phoenix bloggers?

A: Yeah, but they're all boring.

B: So, I already know this but I'll ask anyway: Where the hell did "aristoi" and "donut jelly" come from?

A: Aristoi is the title of one of my favorite books. The Aristoi, basically, are the upper echelon of humanity. Intellectually superior, technologically enhanced, they are a small group that dictates the ultimate direction of all humanity. Sort of like a supreme court for humanity. It's hard to admit without sounding arrogant, but I always considered myself something of a renaissance man, especially when most of my friends were either social butterflies or geeks, and I felt like I was one of the few people I knew who managed to be intelligent and still socially capable, if not eccentric. The domain existed for my e-mail long before the blog was born, and "donut jelly" was just the product of some random neurons firing. Movable Type said, "Blog Title," and I thought, "Uhh...."

B: What do you think about privacy and blogging. You are pretty open about sharing your life. Ever thought it was too much?

A: Oh, sure, on a pretty regular basis. I constantly reevaluate the level of honesty I exhibit on the blog. In the beginning, it was 100% honest because nobody else was reading. Then, it was 100% honest because nobody I knew was reading. And now? It's not dishonest, but just about everyone I know and am friends with reads it, so there are certain things I keep quiet. I miss being able to really cut loose, honestly. I still write drafts sometimes that never get posted, or get posted retroactively, just when I need to get something off my chest. It took a while to learn the lesson that my passive-aggressive were best not splayed out across the blog the way they used to be. I don't confront people via the blog anymore, although I do take the occasional subtle jab.

B: Do all your friends know you blog?

A: As far as I know, yeah. Many of my good friends who are out of town now use it to keep track of what's up in my life. Some of them I've met via the blog, so of course they know about it. And over time, everyone else has generally discovered it. It's not hard to find. My mom reads. I've had old high school teachers stumble across it. Coworkers. The whole bit. I can only think of one person who seems uncomfortable with the idea; she always skirts around the subject if I mention it or bring it up.

B: Is the purity filter for you mom?

A: Ahhh, yes, the purity filter which nobody uses. That was a deal I struck with myself, sort of. My mom told me once that she stopped reading it because she read something pretty graphic and it freaked her out. So I figured I've got friends and family who I'd like to be able to read my blog, but I don't want them to be dodging landmines of sexual content, so I created an opt-out system. It's kind of fun sometimes just to read the crude stuff, actually.

B: It's not like you blog like Geekslut.

A: Nah. Just when I started leaning toward getting more graphic is when all the People I Know? started showing up and crashing the party, so I had to cut that shit out. I still occasionally mention the rare clandestine rendezvous. Maybe if I got laid as much as GeekSlut, I'd write more sexual content.

B: If you do get laid more, please don't post about like Geekslut, but promise to tell me all the details.

A: Oh, alright.

B: So the holidays are upon us Adam. Any seasonal message you want to deliver to my faithful devoted readers?

A: Happy Kwanzaa! I dunno. I'm not much for seasonal messages.

B: Hmpf! You are no fun.

A: Let me think. Jingle bells, Batman smells. Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel, and the Joker does ballet.

B: Oh never mind! Ready for the Final Four?

A: Four? Okay.

B: Whom do you admire most? In what way does that person inspire you?

A: Pass.

B: What do you mean pass?

A: This is like $10,000 Pyramid, right?

B: NO! Answer the question Claire!

A: (thinking)

B: Oh alright! You can pass. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one ability or quality, what would it be?

A: I'd like to have more willpower, and more control over myself. I can't hold a routine to save my life. My interests and focus are very erratic and sometimes I just wish I could force myself to hold still.

B: For what in life do you feel most grateful?

A: I really don't have an easy time coming up with any item that's the "most" of something. My favorite thing, the person I admire most, even my favorite food or experience or place or experience. I love it all.

B: You are just a big gushing heart of gooey-ness....aren't you?

A: Kinda, I guess. Even the bad is good, because the good wouldn't be good without the bad.

B: Very Zen of you Adam. Here's the final of the Final Four: If you were guaranteed honest responses to any three questions, who would you question and what would you ask?

A: Ya know... that's tricky. When I was a kid, I always thought the dude who found the genie lamp was a whack job for being so impulsive. I'd save those wishes, store them away! And I'd probably do the same with my questions. That said, can I ask questions of a metaphysical nature? 'Cause that's all I'd really want to know. But even that... I'm not sure I'd want to know. "Is there life after death?" I don't really think I need to know the answer to that until I get there. "What's next in my life?" I don't want to know that either, I just want to experience it. Perhaps I could ask some sort of questions about the stock market and use them to acquire great wealth. (evil laugh)

B: (laughs)

A: I can't think of anything, really.

B: Okay....I get it. no more questions.

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Permalink | File Under: Interviews

Prior to interviewing him, I knew very little about MAK. Here's what I knew: Many regard him as one of the sweetest people they know. He's from the Midwest and now lives in New York. He used to work as an actor.

Oh yeah...and his father's penis is very bendy.

BRIAN: Your parents seem like very funny people. Was there a lot of laughter in your house growing up?

MAK: Oh god, you start with the hard stuff already? I think there is much more laughter now than there was growing up. That's not to say there wasn't any. God knows my parents are a hoot and a half, but I think that until my siblings and I were really adults, we were still too busy trying to figure each other out and the laughter may have been more nervous than hearty, if that makes any sense.

B: You and your family seem close.

M: We are. Very much so and now more than ever. We were always tight knit. but there was a turning point ten years ago this
October, when my father had triple bypass at the incredibly young age of forty-three, when we realized that any one of us could be snatched away in a heartbeat, and that every day had to be lived and enjoyed and loved.

B: Does your family read your blog?

M: Oh my god yes. My sister is a regular commenter. She goes by her initial, L. And of course, we all know my mother is a huge fan. My brother reads it on a semi-regular basis, and I'm fairly certain my father either reads it or my mother reads it to him. It's funny. When I first began the blog, I had only told my sister about it. I thought she'd get a kick out of it. Of course, she can't keep a secret either and within two days I got a phone call from my mother saying, "Why didn't you tell me you started a website?" and there was no turning back.

B: Do you ever consciously edit what you post since your family reads it?

M: Absolutely not. Mostly because I don't want to subject my personal forum to any guidelines in terms of material. But partly because they expect the "shock value" out of me and love to see what I come up with next. I had thought my blog would be raunchier from the get-go, but it mellowed out pretty quickly, and only occasionally do I write about something and think "Okay, my mother does read this. How embarrassed will I be if she knows this?" and the voice in my head usually replies "Okay, she will say things a million times more embarrassing at some point, so just run with it."

B: (laughs) does K (MAK's boyfriend) read it?

M: Absolutely. He wasn't a big fan of the concept at first. But when I write about him, he loves it. Especially the sexually suggestive stuff. But I try to be very respectful about him. I don't talk about his work, and I very rarely write about any big fights that we may have had along the way, unless they are my fault and make funny stories. I think he prefers to remain this comical, mysterious presence in my blog and I'm happy to keep it that way.

B: Why did you start blogging?

M: I had gotten addicted to reading blogs and always thought it would be a fun way to express myself. I also thought that since I had stopped performing it might be a new way to try and express myself creatively. The first blog I had ever read was The Search For Love In Manhattan written by Faustus and I was hooked.

B: About how many blogs do you read today?

M: Lately I've been very bad in my blog reading and haven't been keeping up, but I would guess that there are in the neighborhood of ten to fifteen that I check every day and another twenty that I try to read as often as possible, even if it's once a week. I try to link to anyone who has either linked to me or who comments frequently on my site, which has made keeping up with my linked blogs nearly impossible.

B: Got to keep that good blogger karma going... right?

M: Exactly! I have earned most of my readers just by being referred from other blogs. I'm all too happy to return the favor.

B: Tell me about when you worked as an actor.

M: I was always performing from elementary school to high school. I started college as a music education major and eventually became a musical theater major. My professional stage debut came when I was twenty-one and a senior in college. I understudied in a musical revue that was playing an extended sit-down in downtown Cleveland and got to go on a handful of times.

B: Did you move to New York to pursue acting?

M: I did. Yes. For about a year after college graduation I did regional theater around the country and got into the actor's union, then did an oh-so-brief stint teaching at my old high school and finally moved here in May of 1999. I did the temp thing while I auditioned and quickly became the Lord of Callbacks for a few of the long-running, at the time, Broadway musicals. Les Miz. Miss Saigon. Phantom.

I made some good connection in the casting agencies, freelanced with an agent and got lots of callbacks. But I was continually told that I was too young for the type of roles for which I was being asked to audition and since I wasn't a dancer I was never going to be a chorus boy. So I did a few workshops of new pieces, took lessons and classes when I could afford them, auditioned as much as I could and tried to keep a positive attitude about it. But it's a rough life and it kicks your ass.

B: Did you make a conscious decision to stop acting or did it just sort slowly pass?

M: It was kind of a little bit of both, actually.

B: I'm sure that was difficult but I think it's pretty frickin' awesome that you worked at it. So many people merely dream and never take action.

M: I'm actually really proud of what I accomplished while I was working at it. Fresh off the bus, with no agent. I was getting called in for big Broadway shows and called back and called back. I was clearly doing something right. and the casting folk and directors always had positive things to say, so I'm proud of what I did even if I didn't get that "big break".

I didn't know it at the time, but my last appearance in a fully staged production was in the summer of 2001. It was a production at a regional summer theater in Cleveland, so I got to stay with my family and be paid to perform which was pretty freakin' awesome.

While I was home, my paternal grandmother's health started to fail and the focus of the summer became less about doing my job and performing and more about trying to spend as much time with her as possible. The show closed and I had to leave Cleveland. We hadn't expected my grandmother to make it much longer.

My sister's wedding was a month after the show closed and as that date drew closer, I was told that my grandmother was sort of rebounding and that she fully expected to make it to the wedding. Two weeks after I came back to New York she passed away and I found myself back in Cleveland for her funeral devastated, because I thought I would have at least one more chance to say goodbye.

I returned to the city ready to face New York again and throw myself into auditions with more fervor than ever, in honor of her. She died on August 29, 2001. So, thirteen days later...

B: I can't imagine what that day must have been like for you. I read your post about it and my heart ached for you.

M: I still haven't fully moved on. I know a lot of us haven't. When that happened, it sent me into a tailspin. I didn't want to get out of bed most mornings, much less get up at 6 a.m. to wait in line for two hours, then sing my 32 bars of music for a table of strangers. I kept thinking it would pass and I would get my enthusiasm back, but it didn't. I was horribly conflicted. In trying to explain how it all came to pass, I still feel horribly conflicted.

By the time the winter was ending and I thought maybe I could face that table of strangers again, my maternal grandmother died. I had had enough. I had enough of a bank account with a negative balance. I had enough of not knowing how I was going to get home to see my family for a joyous event, much less a funeral. I had enough of bouncing rent checks. Of living paycheck to paycheck. Of eating Ramen noodles and toast. Of not having security.

Between my grandmothers' passings and September 11th, I didn't have a lot of passion left that I wanted to express on stage or through my music. So eventually, I stopped pulling my audition binder out to rehearse my pieces. I stopped reading Backstage for audition notices. That was that. In the spring of 2002, I ended up stage managing and singing in an off-Broadway workshop as a favor to the musical director, who had been a mentor and coach to me.

I sang backup for Linda Eder in a one-night only benefit concert and that was the end of my career in the arts. It's really weird to talk about all of that. So few people know the reasons that I left acting. I think a lot of people would be very surprised and a few
would be very angry.

B: Angry?

M: Some think I've given up on my talent or didn't have the ability to see things through to a full career as a performer.
I think in particular, my grandmothers would be very disappointed in me which keeps me conflicted about my decision. But it's not a final decision. The joy of the theater is that you're never too old.

B: Absolutely. So it's rumored that you and other NYC bloggers have been known to serenade folks with show tunes after drunken debauchery.

M: I have absolutely no idea what it is you are talking about.

B: Denying it isn't going to help your case one bit.

M: Some Jewish female Baltimore bloggers should understood that drunken serenades are personal valentines and not announce them to the rest of the world.

B: How often do you and the blogger boys get together?

M: Lately, not as often as we would like. Schedules have been conspiring against us or we end up being too last minute in our planning. Usually once or twice a month, if not more.

B: GB:NY had quite an organic growth. Were you surprised it became what it was?

M: Honestly, going into it, I was absolutely horrified that it had grown so large. It started out as a conversation between Mark and I back in the winter, about him coming out sometime in May to visit and staying with me. Word slowly got out then people started blogging about it. Then came the logo and then came the event. And the drinking. Oh my! And the drinking.

B: Is your liver still recovering?

M: I'm not so sure I even have a liver anymore.

B: Sure you do. It's probably just pickled.

M: It's on hiatus.

B: Before the drunk dials began that night, Zenchick called me sober and one of the first things she said was, "Oh my god! These boys can fucking drink. They've had like 84 drinks each!"

M: She was so cute. One beer and she was buzzing, but we love her anyway. When all was said and done and the dust settled, I had met more bloggers than I had ever thought I would connect with live and in person. My link list grew by leaps and bounds and I've made some amazing friends. I think if GB:NY ever happens again, we should publicize it and get the local NYC gay publications to cover it. Just a thought

B: So I have one very pressing question. Who is Camille?

M: Ah, Camille. my darling, beautiful daughter. She is a plastic cow. Camille was given to me as a Christmas present during my senior year of college. I don't even remember why I named her Camille, but she had personality and charisma and instantly became a "project". I love her.

B: A project?

M: My best friend C. and I used to take her around town with us. To the bank where we would set her beside the window and make the tellers talk to her. To the mall where we would put her on a leash and drag her behind us. Eventually, she was a constant presence wherever we went and she became famous. Throughout the years, C. and I have maintained joint custody of Camille, and we photographed and chronicled her exploits. She's very well traveled for a plastic cow. She's been to Mexico. To dozens of cities across the United States. On a Caribbean cruise. She's been more places than me.

B: And she didn't make it to GB:NY?

M: I actually didn't have her back yet. GB:NY was the third weekend of May, but Camille was still with C. in Ohio. I didn't have my reunion with Camille until Memorial Day weekend, when I went home for my brother's wedding. She did however, make it to the WYSIWYG Talent Show reading by the gay bloggers. But the pictures turned out crappy, so I couldn't post any of them.

B: Well, she has high standards to live up to.

M: Oh, she's a very grounded and mature cow. She was the wonder of a child.

B: So here we go with the final four. Whom do you admire most? In what way does that person inspire you?

M: That would have to be my brother, Fireman. He saves lives, entering dangerous situations without a second thought. That blows my mind. He is brave and strong, yet is filled with buckets of love and has extra to spare. He's full of pride and he's not afraid to speak his mind and stand up for what he believes, even if that puts him in the minority. The path to where he is now hasn't been smooth all the time, but he has triumphed over every obstacle and has turned into an amazing man, even if he is always going to be my baby brother.

B: If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one ability or quality, what would it be?

M: I would like to be more patient and less control-freakish. I could stand to learn how to let things go and not obsess over those things out of my control. Although that only marginally beats out my desire to shoot strings of web out of my wrist. but then, I just saw Spider-man 2, and maybe it's more than I want to shoot other strands of stuff onto Tobey Maguire.

B: Oh my! For what in life do you feel most grateful?

M: For my family. I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for their undying love and endless support.

B: If you were guaranteed honest responses to any three questions, who would you question and what would you ask?

M: (long pause) Gosh, that's really tough. 1. George W. Bush: Tell me exactly how your marriage would be weakened if I married another man?

(after a very long pause) 2. Myself: What do you want to be when you grow up?

(another pause) 3. J.K. Rowling: How much longer do we have to wait for Harry Potter 6? Oh my god, I thought I'd never come up with three. Phew!

B: (laughs) Thanks a lot for doing this. I really enjoyed this.

M: Wait! Isn't this where we do it talk-back with the students in the audience?

B: Oh they all left while you were trying to think of your three questions.

M: Hey now!

Comments (9)
Permalink | File Under: Interviews

There are times in your life when you meet someone and instantly feel a connection and fall into a report so natural that it feels like you've known each other all your life. I am lucky to have that with Robbie McCown. From the moment we first exchanged emails, it was clear we not only had a lot in common but our personalities fit together nicely. Although I'm sure he would deny it, he is kind, thoughtful and sweet, which is evident in graciously agreeing to be interviewed here.

BRIAN: First things first. This isn't some puff piece. This is serious investigative journalism, so be prepared for some hard hitting questions. Alright?

ROBBIE: (laughs) No problem. I'll answer as truthfully and candidly as possible.

BRIAN: So you are allergic to egg whites. What's that all about?

ROBBIE: Yes I am. I'm not sure why. All I remember is that I was in kindergarten one year and apparently they served all the kids eggs for some kind of breakfast. The next thing I know, my mother has been called because I was breaking out in hives.

BRIAN: But just the whites? Not the yolks?

ROBBIE: Not the yolks. In fact, I love deviled eggs, but generally pass the whites to someone who will eat them.
Strangely enough, even if I weren't allergic, I don't think I'd eat them. The smell of scrambled eggs makes me wanna... well, you know.

BRIAN: So, pound cake yes, but meringue no?

ROBBIE: It's all hit or miss. Sometimes cookies, cakes and pies are okay because there are so many ingredients that the egg white is pretty diluted. But French toast is a bad idea.

BRIAN: Mmmm.....French toast. When did you start your first journal? Was it online or paper?

ROBBIE: My first journal was on a spiral notebook, but I had difficulty sticking with it. That and no matter where I decided to hide it, there was always that chance someone would find it.

BRIAN: When did you first start writing online?

ROBBIE: September of 2001. I had read a few blogs/journals online and thought, "This is a great idea!" I didn't mind that anyone could read it, since I ultimately decided how much I wanted to reveal. And it wasn't tangible; I never had to worry about someone finding it in my room.

BRIAN: And was that More Teeth Than Wisdom (MTTW)?

ROBBIE: Yeah. It all started with MTTW which I eventually closed after roughly two years of posting. Then I took a bit of a break of posting, only to resurface with The New Pink.

BRIAN: What does "More Teeth Than Wisdom" mean?

ROBBIE: It was actually taken from a lyric found in Veda Hille's "One Hot Summer". "There is so much beauty that I don't believe in, but god knows my mouth holds more teeth than wisdom." I liked the double meaning.

BRIAN: Did you write differently in it compare to the spiral notebook?

ROBBIE: Definitely. I was probably more open and honest in my notebook than I am/was online. I'm still struggling with losing any reservations I have about being brutally honest in my blog. When I know someone is reading my words, I instantly feel judged. With a pen on paper, I felt pretty comfortable with my thoughts. I'm working on getting better.

BRIAN: You gained a certain amount of popularity with MTTW, didn't you?

ROBBIE: I wouldn't necessarily call it popularity. But I did find myself surrounded by an array of higher profile bloggers. I remember I had a conversation with one of them. We were comparing certain bloggers to television channels. One would be MTV because of his or her 'young and hip' writing style. One would be Lifetime due to their stories about women's issues, etc. When I tried to figure out which channel applied to me, I was told that I was most like PBS; low-profile, but quality programming all the way. That was probably a good analogy.

BRIAN: That's funny. So after two years, why did you shut down MTTW?

ROBBIE: I suppose I was just getting burned out. Not to sound dramatic, but I suddenly felt like I was writing for an audience rather than for myself and it was effecting my entire reason I started a journal in the first place. So I started posting less and less. I began changing the site constantly in terms of aesthetics, but I eventually closed the site entirely and took a break.

BRIAN: Which sucked for me because I had just discovered MTTW about two weeks before you shut it down.

ROBBIE: Yeah, sorry about that.

BRIAN: You are so funny for apologizing for that. What inspired you to start The New Pink?

ROBBIE: It had been a few months since I closed MTTW and I simply wanted to write again. So I started The New Pink. I figured enough time had gone by.

BRIAN: Is there a difference in the way you write or what you write about on The New Pink compared to MTTW?

ROBBIE: Not too much, I guess. There's definitely a slight maturity in The New Pink, only because that's to be expected. I write less about relationships in the new blog as I did in MTTW. I guess the biggest difference is my realization that I don't have to try to be funny or sarcastic in my posts to get someone to read them.

BRIAN: But you are naturally funny and sarcastic. Do you think that maybe you are holding back on The New Pink?

ROBBIE: Oh, I definitely am. And admittedly, it's all due to comfort zones. I think time is the only thing that will ultimately change that.

BRIAN: In addition to blogs, you've built fan sites for your favorite singers. How many have you made?

ROBBIE: Many. Some that never went online. I used to run "The Slick Divide" which was a fairly well-known Liz Phair fan-site. Then there were others, of course. I've made them for Heather Nova, Dido, Aimee Mann, etc. Soon, I'll have one for Sam Phillips online.

BRIAN: Hmmm...Sam Phillips, Aimee Mann, Liz Phair. Never heard of them.

ROBBIE: Yeah, right.

BRIAN: Obviously we bonded initially over our love of the same kinds of music. Did you ever feel like you just a big ol' lesbian for liking chick singers so much?

ROBBIE: Either that or a big ol' faggot. My friends used to constantly tease me about my musical interests.

BRIAN: Mine too. I had a friend who joked that I was a gay man, but somewhere inside the wiring was wrong. "You are supposed to like
Cher and Madonna, not the entire Lilith Fair line up." I sent someone my Amazon.com wish list and they said "You big
dyke!"

ROBBIE: Glad you brought that up. I seem to fit into some of the gay stereotypes, but I never understood the whole Cher/Madonna/Barbra/Judy Garland obsession.

BRIAN: Me either. I think stereotypes are ridiculous. I hate when people generalize others and don't look at them as individuals. We could bitch all day about society and the gay community, but let's talk about something more important — me.

ROBBIE: Okay.

BRIAN: I'm kidding. How many bloggers have you met?

ROBBIE: Roughly I'd say about ten.

BRIAN: Did any of them surprise you or seem completely different from how they wrote.

ROBBIE: Definitely. Which just goes to show that no matter how well you think you know someone based on how they write, you don't really know them.
BRIAN: Do you ever think it's weird that you and I are friends, but we've never met?

ROBBIE: I would have thought it weird if it were 10 years ago. But the Internet has changed the dynamics of relationships considerably. There are several people that I know only from the computer to whom I consider being some of the best people I've ever known, even though I've never officially met them. It's an amazing thing.

BRIAN: Good answer! It's time for the Final Four. Whom do you admire most? In what way does that person inspire you?

ROBBIE: I admire my mother a great deal. She's just an extraordinary person. She had an extremely rough childhood and could have taken so many disastrous paths in her life, but managed to become one of the most successful and caring people I know.

BRIAN: If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one ability or quality, what would it be?

ROBBIE: Telepathy. That way you could tell the liars from the sincere. You'd know who your true friends were.

BRIAN: For what in life do you feel most grateful?

ROBBIE: My talents and all the ways they seem to manifest themselves.

BRIAN: If you were guaranteed honest responses to any three questions, who would you question and what would you ask?

ROBBIE: Well, if there is a god, I would ask him why are we here? Where are we going? Why couldn't you have made me 6 feet tall?

BRIAN: (laughs) How tall are you?

ROBBIE: 5'9".

BRIAN: So do you feel like a wee little man?

ROBBIE: Only in height. (smiles)

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Permalink | File Under: Interviews

Mark at Zeitzeuge is one of the sweetest men I have ever had the
pleasure to not meet. He simply has the biggest heart. I know I'm not alone in
my opinion and many, many people feel the same way. Blogging only for eight
month, he has cultivated a large following who read about his adventures in
Dallas with his close circle of friends, stories about his past and his down
home charm. He is quite a remarkable guy.

BRIAN: I actually had to look up what zeitzeuge meant. Why did you
name your blog this?

MARK: A good friend of mine in Germany helped name my site actually. Zeitzeuge,
pronounced Tsite-Tsoyga, means "a contemporary witness to a specific time, place or era in
History.

B: What about the name appealed to you?

M: It was so different. Unlike any blog name that i had seen before. I wanted something
eye-catching and something that would cause people to ask questions.

B: That is does. Tell me what prompted you to start blogging.

M: I began reading weblogs about two years ago. My friend Gary and I started talking and realized that we both were reading many of the same people. One thing lead to another and he asked if we should start one ourselves.
We were up and running a few weeks later.

B: How long have you been blogging?

M: I started September 17, 2003. Just a few days before my birthday actually.

B: One thing I noticed immediately about your site is you seemed to never run out of things to post.
Where does that come from?

M: I've actually stopped and asked myself the same question. I've been lucky to have experienced so many things in my life, dated many kinds of people, come from a wonderful yet bizarre family. Things just pop into head from nowhere quite often.

B: Does your family read your site?

M: No, not at all. I decided in the beginning, for me to be very open, honest and blunt, that I didn't want to ever have family, lovers and some friends hinder me from writing about what I want.

B: You are very open and honest on your blog. Has it ever gotten you in trouble?

M: So far it hasn't. I've always been a very open and honest person in general. I wanted my blog to reflect exactly who
I was as a person also. I don't hide my emotions or what I think. I find that most people respect me for being this way. But you never know, my day of upsetting someone is bound to happen.

B: So you've never posted something and later regretted it?

M: There have been a few times when I write about HIV that I've wanted to delete the entry. I never want to come across as
"Pity me. I'm HIV." or "Please feel sorry for me." due to what I've gone through.
Sometimes I reread those entries and cringe. Other than that, I've been pretty happy with all that I've posted about.

B: Personally, I think it's important that you do post about having HIV.
For one, it's a part of who you are. For another, I think it gives insight into the life of someone who has
HIV for someone out there in the ether who may not know anyone who has HIV.

M: That's exactly how I feel also. I've already had a few people send me personal emails asking for advice and to tell me their story. That means more to
me than people realize. I, at times, felt that I became positive for a reason and maybe helping someone else go through it is reason enough.

B: So I know you've already met one blogger in person and are going to
meet a slew of them in
New York next month. What do you think about this whole network of friends you've made solely through blogging?

M: It's absolutely amazing. Something that I never dreamed would happen. I just wanted a little site to tell silly stories about my past and my current life. I never thought I would be meeting so many people that I can actually call my friends. I don't take making friends lightly. They mean the world to me as do many bloggers already.

B: I like the post when you were sick and a blogger had food sent to your
house.

M: That's when I realized that I had met "real" people who would be lifelong friends. For someone who's only read my entries and chatted on the phone possibly twice, to send me enough food for an army, was one of the sweetest things.

B: That is pretty cool. So who all are you going to meet at the NYC Bloggerpalooza?

M: I will be in New York from May 21 to 24 and I think the last count was close to
ten bloggers or more. I'll be staying with Matt from
'Til the Cows Come Home. I'll be meeting
Ruggerjohnnyd, Crash,
Patch, Bobzyeruncle,
Watersea, Homer's
World, Addaboy hopefully, Rob Byrnes and of course my favorite,
Zenchick. I know there's a few others that have mentioned coming up for the weekend also.
If I've forgotten anyone, they'll kill me.

B: Zenchick is one of my faves too. I feel incredibly lucky to have "met" her. I suppose I have you to thank for that, since I stumbled onto her blog from yours.

M: I'm glad you've had the chance to get to know her also. I sometimes swear we were separated at birth. I look to her like a sister almost. I know I'll probably get all teary eyed when I see her for the first time.
She's one of those "friends for life" bloggers.

B: It is so cool that you are going to meet that many bloggers over your weekend. It really
will be a "Palooza".

M: Oh, I know! It started off as just a small weekend getaway to see New
York for the first time and meet a few people. It kind of grew from there.

B: So let's switch gears here. Tell me about your life as an artist. I find your glasswork and drawings so incredible and powerful.

M: Well, being an artist for me started at a very young age. My mother tells me that when
I was probably four or five years old, I refused to use coloring books and colors. I wanted a blank pad and a pencil. I had to make my own drawings. I took every art class
I could when I was in junior and senior high. It was from the encouragement of my parents to
pursue art and to drop my accounting major. Yes, the truth is out. Drawing to me is the most pure way for me to express myself.I couldn't see my life without the ability to draw.Most of my work people have regarded as 'difficult to look at'. I find my work quite humorous for the most part, but yes, it deals with very serious subjects.

B: I think some of the best art is difficult to look at. Art
isn't always about seeing pretty or soothing images. It is suppose to challenge us and take us to places we might not always want to go.

M: Exactly. I want people to look at my work and see many things. My glass professor saw the only
"HIV" related drawing I ever did. It was a picture of me with a pistol sticking out of my unbuttoned jeans with a flower stuck in the
barrel of the gun. I had the words "my dick can kill" tattooed on my stomach. He still has the drawing, but it resides in his closet.

B: Wow! That is very provocative. Do you see blogging as an extension of your artistic side or is it something altogether different?

M: I'm still trying to figure that out. I've had a few people tell me that I'm a good writer or that I should attempt writing a book. I don't see myself as a writer and probably never will. I'll leave that up to the professionals. I just felt like I had something to say and hopefully someone would like to hear about it.
I would like to use my blog for showcasing more of my artwork. That's my main goal.

B: Tell me about the drawing you use for your banner.

M: I was asked to enter a drawing competition a few years back. I was battling coming out of the closet and dealing with my religious upbringing. I felt like there was this constant battle to do what was right or what I've always been told.
I felt like there was this internal battle between good versus evil or right
versus wrong going on. The entire drawing, which you can't see on my site, has an angel tattoo on one side and a cloaked demonic figure on the other, showing the battle I think we all face on a daily basis. The tattoo of the cross on my arm showed how so many people 'wear" their religion on their sleeve. Showing it off.
I've never been able to understand why I have a smirk on my face.

B: I think it's part of your devilish charm.

M: Ah, thanks. Despite the serious subject, I always try to see the lighter side of things.
I have too. Life would be too difficult.

B: You recently posted about your experience with angels. (See Parts One,
Two and Three.)
What kind of reaction did you get from your readers about it? Any skeptics?

M: That had to be three of the most difficult entries to write about. I was basically scared shitless. I was more worried about what people would think. Then a wise blogger reminded me that I blog for myself first and foremost. So
I told the stories. Even a few bloggers who I knew would be very skeptical, thanked me for telling the story and had to admit they believed in angels themselves.
I just didn't want to come across as some religious nut.

B: Are you religious?

M: I would call myself spiritual. I was raised a very strict Pentecostal
until I was 25 years old. We were in church four times a week. My grandfather was a traveling evangelist. My mother and her sisters were the founders of our church back home. I realized later on in life that I didn't need an organized religion to tell me how to lead my life. I like to say I follow a more spiritual path. It's easy to take the boy out of the church, but taking the church out of the boy is a little more difficult.

B: Now comes the last part of the interview, the Final Four. Are you ready?

M: Ready as I'll ever be.

B: Whom do you admire most? In what way does that person inspire you?

M: I would have to say my father who passed away ten years ago. He worked so hard to make the lives of his family the best it could be.
He never complained but just kept on going until the day he died. He was such a fighter. I hope to be more like him all the time.

B: If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one ability or quality, what would it be?

M: The ability to heal.
B: For what in life do you feel most grateful?

M: I feel most grateful for the time I've been given so far to meet so many incredible people and experience so many things up until now.

B: If you were guaranteed honest responses to any three questions, who would you question and what would you ask?

M: Oh wow. This goes back to my father. I would ask him what heaven is like, who's up there with him and if he's proud of me.

B: Thanks for doing this Mark. I appreciate it.

M: Oh no problem Honey. I was excited to do it.

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I often struggle to come up with things to post. Most of the time I feel
my life is just so mundane and routine that I think "nobody wants to read
about this." Most people probably feel this way. However I find other
people's live completely fascinating and I love asking people about themselves.
So I came up with an idea to interview various bloggers. With that, I bring you
Zenchick.

BRIAN: Tell me how you first became aware of weblogs.

ZENCHICK: My friend Mike, who is a webmaster for a living, sent me a link just about a year ago to the weblog of an old friend of his from
college. She and her
husband have a website and they both blogged. I was in the middle of a long training period for my job, so when I got his email with the
link and his "I think you
should do this," I just hit delete.

B: When did you get around to discovering the blog universe?

ZC: Sometime last summer, Mike set up his own blog on Blogger and let me know. I went to Blogger, set one up, but never posted. Then I started to really
read Jenny's site, Mike's friend with the blog. We like to refer to her as "Jenny from the
blog". And found it intriguing. At this point, my training was
done and I had
a lot more time and room to breathe. When I started following Jenny's links and links from those links...well, I was hooked. Literally. I became totally overwhelmed reading all of these blogs at
one time, and completely unable to keep track of who was whom, where they lived, what they did, and how I found them. And yet, that didn't stop me...obviously.

B: Have the kinds of things you post about changed since you first started?

ZC: I think the range of things about which I post has broadened tremendously. And I think it took me a good long while to find my "blog
voice". I really think
I learn a lot by reading other blogs and seeing what people post about and what their style is.

B: How would you describe your blog to someone who never saw a blog before?

ZC: Well, I've been asked by a lot of non-bloggers what it is.
"There are no non-blogger,"
MAK says. "Only people who have yet begun to
blog." I usually
tell them it's an online journal of sorts that's posted on a web page. I get a lot of
blank stares. Someone once exclaimed, "Oh my gosh, aren't you worried about
people reading your private stuff?" I then explained to her that since I know
ahead of time that it's going to be on the internet, I only post stuff that I'm
comfortable with everyone reading. I also describe some of the specialty blogs, like a lot of the
Zen and Buddhist blogs I read, and that it's a whole little interconnected subculture.

B: You also have another blog about the loss of your
cat. Why did you decide to create a separate blog just about that?

ZC: Well, when I began blogging I couldn't have anticipated that my
fairly young kitty would get sort of suddenly sick and I'd have to have her put to sleep. I
was posting about it as it was happening, and found myself posting a great deal about what I was dealing with after she died. I had seen that some people had more
than one blog, sometimes a general blog and a specialty blog, a professional blog and a personal one, so I decided that I would start a new blog, just about my loss.
That way, anyone who was interested could still read those posts, but my regular blog readers didn't have to be subjected to it.
I find it very healing to write and when the kitty died I got an immense amount of
virtual support from the blog community, which I still get on the cat loss blog.

B: About that virtual support and the whole interconnected subculture, does it ever surprise you that you now have this whole
community of friends solely through blogging?

ZC: It surprises me daily! Not only that I have this 'community' of people who I've never laid eyes
on that I count as my friends, but that I've actually met
some other bloggers. I even posted my Amazon.com wish list on my blog, which I had seen around
but didn't feel comfortable doing at first. It seemed like asking
for gifts from strangers. Then along rolled my birthday and here come Amazon.com packages from bloggers! It was surreal.

B: What was it like meeting a blogger in person for the first time?

ZC: Well, ironically enough it was two days after the cat died, so everything was sort of surreal then anyway. The first one I met was
Vince who lives in San Francisco but was in Baltimore for a conference. We had lunch. Now, we hadn't emailed at
all, or commented that much
on each other's blogs, so it wasn't like "Oh my goodness...after all this time, here you are!" But it was very natural. So much so, that I went to visit him in San Francisco
about two months later. I would have to say that it was different when I met bloggers with whom I had corresponded a
lot. More of an adjustment period, I guess, to being with
them in person.

B: Let's talk about your spirituality. Tell me about Shambhala and how you discovered it.

ZC: Well, about nine years ago, one of the teachers at Shambhala held a private class in "mindfulness meditation." He sent out brochures to many
people and one
of the lists he got was licensed social workers, which I am. I had just begun to read about Zen
Buddhism as a result of a rather random conversation one day and I
knew someone at the time who was involved with Shambhala. She highly recommended this class, so I took
it. 90 minutes, once a week. About a year later I decided to go to the Shambhala center and find out what it was all about. I went for their regular open
house and went running the
other way. I wasn't ready. I was so un-ready, in fact, that if someone had asked me then, "Why didn't you go back to Shambhala?" I probably would have
responded, "Do you want pizza or Chinese food?" It wasn't even on my radar screen, going back or not going back.
Over the ensuing years I did a great deal of reading about different kinds of Eastern spirituality and practice, did T'ai Chi for a
while. Started a regular yoga
practice. For the last few years I had this nagging voice going, "go to Shambhala, you'll like it now," but I still wasn't ready. I don't quite know what made me
"ready" last summer, but I began going then, and it felt 180 degrees different than it did all those years ago. It felt right.

B: Is it easy to balance Shambhala with Judaism? Does one ever conflict with the other or do they compliment each other?

ZC: Well, Shambhala is a non-sectarian spiritual path, that's based on principles of Tibetan Buddhism. The basic notion is that, with mindfulness and the
cultivation of a mindfulness practice, in this case, meditation, we can conduct our everyday lives with wisdom and compassion. The aspiration is to create a
community, a society even, of dignity and compassion. So there's certainly no conflict
there and because it's not a religious path there are many others there who practice their own religion. I would say,
however that I struggle to make the two meet somehow. I feel a certain void at
Shambhala. I could never just go there and not practice Judaism anymore.
Conversely, I feel a lacking for me in Jewish practice that there is not a Shambhala-like component. So, I would say yes, it's fairly easy to balance it...I would like to
find a way to bring the two closer together though.

B: How so?

ZC: Well, there are some organizations that practice Judaism within a spiritual context.
Or should I say are esoteric within a Jewish context? Potato. Po-tahto. For instance a
retreat center in the Catskill Mountains of New York called Elat Chayyim. There they have integrated meditation, yoga, and social activism within
Judaism and I find in a place like that, I get both sets of needs met, my needs as a Jewish person, and my needs as a
meditator. Unfortunately there aren't any
places like that here in my little burgh.

B: Have you ever considered starting something like that yourself?

ZC: I have actually. There were a few people interested in it last year and we tried to get together, but it didn't really have any momentum. And
here the
Jewish community is quite conventional and homogeneous, so it just fizzled.

B: So now comes the part of the interview I like to call the Final Four.
Ripping off that creepy Inside the Actors studio guy, I've decided to end each interview with the same four questions.
Here we go. Whom do you admire most? In what way does that person inspire you?

ZC: I'd loathe to have to pick one person that I admire the most, but I will say that someone I have a great deal of admiration for is my acupuncture
practitioner. We are the same age and so I really relate to her. For years, before going back to school for
this she worked at Christie's Auction House in
Manhattan. That couldn't be any different from what she does now! She is solid as a
rock and the most compassionate person I have ever met. She is also very
present, much more so than most people I encounter, myself included! I am inspired, awe-struck sometimes at how open, mindful, and compassionate she can
be and I often think of her in situations where I'm not feeling grounded and think "What would she do? What might she say to me about this?"

B: If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one ability or quality, what would it be?

ZC: Fearlessness. Both in the spiritual sense, as the focus of the Shambhala path, and in the functional sense. I worry a lot.

B: For what in life do you feel most grateful?

ZC: Well this is going to sound trite, but the ability to be present, even in the small doses I find it. It is
true though when I'm truly present, I am able to
appreciate all of the wonderful things I have in my life.

B: If you were guaranteed honest responses to any three questions, who would you question and what would you ask?

ZC: 1. My father: what are your secret dreams? 2. Anne Lamott: where ever
did you learn how to write like that?!? And will you teach me?! 3. Amy,
my late best friend: what's it like up there??

B: Thank you very much Zenchick. This was fun for me.

ZC: My pleasure!

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