I hate when I run out of everything. I drove around all weekend marking items off my list, filling my trunk and watching my bank account dwindle. Super fun! All of it was necessary stuff. Well, except for the toy sushi. That was just for fun and I think I can justify spending 88¢.

See that box in the lower right hand corner. That box contains an ultrasonic, cool mist humidifier but you can call it by the name I've given it: THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE.

That humidifier was my main reason for shopping. With the dry air and my ever-shrinking sinuses, I am in desperate need for some nighttime hydration. Humidifiers are pretty common so you'd think they'd be easy to find.

WRONG.

Well, strike that. WRONG unless you want one shaped like a penquin, a frog, a cow, SpongeBob Squarepants or Hello Kitty.

My top three requirements were 1) cool mist and 2) ultrasonic and 3) not meant for a nursery. Seems simple enough. WRONG. After going to (count them) nine stores I was this close to getting one of the kiddie humidifiers, but I could just picture this future scenario.

Me: Take off your pants.
Him: What is that?
Me: Oh, that's just HumidiPig. Ignore him.

Apparently, the entire Valley of the Sun is sold out of adult cool mist, ultrasonic humidifiers. (Well, unless you want to pay $300+ for one. The beyond in Bed, Bath & Beyond stands for "beyond my means.") So I compromised and bought one that has a fake aquarium with colored lights.

Once I got home, I set it up and promptly feel asleep. But, at least the air was finally cool and moist.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

At last night's Yelp event, I asked Korina why everyone's name tag had their first name and last initial. It is because that's how you are identified on the site, but I think there is something deeper there. It's to prepare you for your first meeting at Alcoholics Anonymous.

So, yeah. I had a little to drink last night. For the record, I feel perfectly fine this morning. In fact, I had an awesome night's sleep. I may have to give this getting wasted thing a try again.

And if you are curious about these Tidy Bowltinis, here is a photo of one I took just before pouring it down my gullet. And yes, that is the Tootsie Roll representing poo at the bottom of the glass.

Ah geez... I drunk commented on this picture last night. I was a very busy boy.

To all the people who received drunk dials, drunk voicemails, drunk text messages, drunk instant messages, drunk twitters and other forms of communications technology has enabled drunk people to use, I apologize. None of you seemed to mind. And yes, I do remember them all. Mostly.

Phone call to Julie.

Julie: When you are sober, I need to talk to you about something important.
Me: Yeah. Now would not be the time for that.

Instant messaging with The Greg®

Me: who was eleminated from a merica's next top model
The Greg: Uh, you're asking the wrong person.
Me: drunk twitterin ftw

Phone call to Deek who is moving across the country in two weeks.

Me: I love you and am going to miss you. And I'm not just saying that because I'm trashed.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

Last night I arrived at Thomas's for our ritual Friday Night Dinner® (Just like the Gilmores, only with less judgement) and SciFi channel palooza. I walked in with a canvas bag filled with markers, stickers and index cards. I held it up and exclaimed, "I brought us something to do!" He looked a little worried.

We made Hope Notes that will be distributed to girls living in Rwanda. You can read about how hopeREVO got involved in this here and here.

If you have time to make your own Hope Notes and get them in the mail by Monday, May 5th so they can be compiled and all mailed on May 14th, that would be awesome.

Also, if you could keep Odette and her daughters in your thoughts during this very difficult time, that would be equally awesome.

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Permalink | File Under: Life, Photos, Sharing

Tip of the day. When your hosting company emails you about a php upgrade and the email reads like Charlie Brown's teacher sounds because you don't know crap about php and rather think about it you instead obsess about why the current cycle of America's Next Top Model sucks balls, don't ignore that email and think, "I'll deal with this later."

When later happens, your site goes boom.

So. Not. Fun.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

When I sit down to write lately, my writing is either full of anger or maudlin pathos. Mostly, because that's what I've been feeling for a while: pissed, worn out and melancholy.

I know one shouldn't stifle those feelings and trust me when I tell you, there ain't nothing stifled about me lately. People know I'm going through some shit. It shows. And I also know there is a relief to letting it out, even on a blog. But right now, I don't want to be that guy. (Not that that's stopped me before.)

And really... who wants to read that kind of crap any way?

So instead I've been going through an exercise today. Today is about focusing on those moments that pull me away from that cluttered, noisy room. The moments I see light from the outside, breaking in through the dirty windows.

It can be a song on my iPod so compelling that makes me stop and listen. The combination of the warm sun and cool breeze on my skin as I walk outside. A smile from a stranger. Watching my cat sleep.

Rosie O'Donnell calls it yellow. Until today, I never understood what she meant by it. But now I get it.

When I find myself in those moments, I stop and relish it. Submerse myself in it. Let it work its mojo on me.

And for that moment, I'm no longer tired. No longer angry. No longer sad.

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Permalink | File Under: Depression, Drawings, Life, Sharing

My allergies had other plans for me this weekend. Those plans mainly involved sneezing non stop and being a cranky bitch. I tried Zyrtec. I didn't react to it too badly but I think limiting my exposure to it would be a wise move.

The weekend wasn't a total waste. I did manage to do laundry and get my hair buzzed.

Usually, I pass on the wearing of green on St. Patrick's Day. It's kind of a stupid thing really. But this green t-shirt was calling out to me today. I blame the Zyrtec.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

Homer gave me these little dangly drink adornments to make my iced tea a bit more festive. Party in my mouth and Luzianne is invited!

Shit ya'll. I don't know about you but the weekend can not get here any sooner. This week has been brutal and I am in serious need of a siesta. T G I Mofo F!

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Permalink | File Under: Life

I should be out the door and on my way to work right now, but I'm not. Why? Because it's Taking My Sweet Ass Time Monday™* — a day when we celebrate not caring what the clock says.

Taking My Sweet Ass Time Monday™ is the little sister of I Didn't Do Jack Shit All Day Sunday® and Seriously, It's Only Tuesday? Tuesday®.

For all of you suckers lovely people still moaning and groaning about losing an hour of sleep due to Daylight Savings Time, I encourage you to embrace Taking My Sweet Ass Time Monday™.

Relax. Take a few minutes just for you this morning. The world's not going to end if you are late.† I promise.

* Apparently my server is taking its sweet ass time today too because it took forever to post this.

† Brian and cheapblueguitar.com are not responsible if you are fired over tardiness.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

I came home early from work because I felt like crap. I self medicated with a vigorous dose of simple carbs, Netflix and then slept it off. I woke up feeling much better.

Homer was in town for work so we went out for pasta.

The pasta was okay but kind of meh.

Homer had some cake. I declined on having dessert since I ate cookies for lunch but I had a taste. It was super chocolatey and moussey.

Our server thought it was weird we were taking pictures of our food. Srsly? She's never seen this before? The internet is filled with people taking pictures of their food.

As we left, she asked if I wanted to take her picture.

Sure lady. Whatever floats your boat.

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Permalink | File Under: Life, Photos

What a beautiful day! It was the kind of day that demanded you put on some shorts, pasty legs be damned, and spend some of it outside.

I aired up the tires and rode my bike around the neighborhood today. It's been so long since I last rode my bike, I forgot how much fun it is.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

How is it that I've never blogged on Leap Year's Day? Oh right... I was too busy clawing my way out of depression and hopped up on delicious painkillers.

Silly me.

It is a gorgeous day here in Phoenix. Too gorgeous to sit at a computer under fluorescent lighting redesigning (yet again) the same project I've been working on for a couple weeks.

I ♥ clients. </sarcasm>

I'd rather be outside taking a walk and soaking up some pleasant sunshine. Maybe I'll finally fix my bicycle this weekend so I can take a ride around the neighborhood.

Of course, doing so will cause a sneezing fit and itchy eyes. Damned if I do. Damned if I don't.

*sigh*

I'm putting up the new banner today. Those of you on Internet Explorer may see some random wonkiness in the header graphic. I started to tweak the CSS to see if I could fix it, but then I decided to not bother because you SHOULDN'T BE USING IE! Get a real effin' browser already for chrissakes.

Geesh!

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Permalink | File Under: Banners, Life

That's how much weight I gained after losing thirty pounds last year. Not too bad, I suppose. Honestly, I thought it was more. After being the food nazi for so long (No Sugar! Only Brown Rice! That has too much fat! OMFGBBQ!!) I indulged in the holidays and found solace in some simple carb delights. However, I have no intention of gaining all that weight back so it's back to business. I've done pretty well so far and already dropped six pounds even with the addition of a cheat night.

Monday, I went to the movies with John and Jason. John brought me a little something back from his recent trip home.

That's two pounds of candy, my friends. TWO FREAKIN' POUNDS.

Welcome to the Idaho Candy Company's diabetes in a box.

Seriously. That's a hella lot of sugar. And see that butter toffee? It's made with real butter. (*drools*) There should be laws governing that kind of thing.

My next cheat night is going to be very nice. Thanks John!

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Permalink | File Under: Life

Me: I took a Claritin and now I feel all whoooooooaa.
Ricker: Ooh. Claritin is your friend.
Me: More like my drinking buddy.
Ricker: Who takes you to the bad places, buys you cheap drinks and leaves you there.

Truer words have never been spoken.

Our six-week winter has ended and Spring® has sprung bringing with it all the delights of the season: non-stop sneezing, runny nose, watery eyes and general throbbing in my sinus region. Usually I try to soldier through as best I can but at some point I eventually give in and take an antihistamine even though I know how it will make me feel.

And oh sweet Jesus... did that Claritin ever knock me on my ass. I've been in a fog all day. It's like him hyper-aware of everything around me however I also feel sluggish like wading through a lake of hair gel.

Tis the season.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

My painting arrived today. Yay!

It's even more awesome looking in person. Now... how in the heck do I frame it? It's on a flat canvas panel. Any ideas?

For now, I set it on my corner shelf above my other priceless work of art.

I made this a few years ago with Sharpie markers. It's pretty hot, huh? Who needs fancy art training when you've got Sharpies?

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Permalink | File Under: Life

Last April, I read about artist Ali Spagnola on Drawn! and her plan to give away free commissioned paintings. That's right... FREE!

I emailed her my request saying she could paint whatever she wanted and gave her a list of things I liked.

And then I forgot about it, until today! She emailed me this afternoon with a photo of my painting.

Isn't is awesome? I can't wait to get it. Thanks Ali!

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Permalink | File Under: Life

The good catholics at St. Matthew's didn't appreciate the t-shirt I wore to vote this morning.

"This is a church!" one of them said in shock.

I just smiled. "May I have my ballot please?"

Apparently they are not for clean butts there.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

Today was one of those super-duper busy days that just fly by. Those kind of days where around 2 PM you think, "Oh crap, I should probably eat some lunch. And pee." I didn't log into my instant messenger and ignored email for most of the day while I was knee deep in Photoshop and code trying to get CSS to BEND TO MY WILL GAWDDAMNIT!

Whew. So all in all it was a good day. Extremely productive.

The amazing thing about me being so hyper-focused today is I feel like total crap. It seems every time we get a cold snap, my body reacts with a firm DOES NOT WANT and reeks havoc on my immunity.

Plus, it's February. And you know that bitch ain't a friend of mine.

I knew I was in trouble when...

Homer, you may want to stop reading now. I know how much you hate this topic.

...I was using my neti pot and NO WATER would come out of my right nostril. None. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

My poor sinus is completely collapsed. I'll discuss this with my doctor next time I see him, although I certainly don't look forward to another surgery. The last one was painful enough and my insurance now isn't as generous as I discovered last year after my Valentine's Day colonoscopy.

Man... Februarys really DO suck. And it's a frickin' leap year again. Frak.

Oh well. Four down. Twenty-five to go.

Well, since I'm all about the past links today, I might was well link to my favorite February post. Enjoy!

Comments (1)
Permalink | File Under: Life

The other day when I looked up my old Mondo Beyondo list, do you know what I forgot to do? READ what my list was back then.

D'oh!

So last night, I read it to Thomas and I was pretty amazed to discover that I had accomplished in some way, most of the things I wrote. Okay, so I didn't ever host sock puppet kareoke night and let's face it, I'm NEVER going to become one of those crazy active people who are always doing things like hiking, yoga and stuff. But that, of course, is not the point of Mondo Beyondo. You are supposed to think BIG. Think impossible and my favorite, think dangerously. What scares you? Frightens you? Creeps into your comfort zone? What truly challenges you?

All that said, I did accomplish some of my list. I did do some freelance work here and there and in my own way, I've created a family of friends I rely on.

But here's the best one. Number four. I am THIS close to being debt free! THIS CLOSE. Last year, I watched several balances fall to zero. After all this time, it's such an amazing feeling to finally see the debt free light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, last Friday I decided to just up and pay off my final student loan. Now they owe me twelve cents! (Pay up Sallie Mae!)

After reading my old list, I was even more excited to make a new Mondo Beyondo. So here goes:

• I will go to California and see the other ocean. (Can you believe I've lived in Arizona for ten years and STILL haven't been to California?)

• I will make my apartment a home.

• I will ride my bike, explore my neighborhood and meet who's in my neighborhood.

• I will talk to strangers.

• I will create things that are not made of pixels.

• I will really listen when others speak.

• I will reach out to people I admire.

• I will invite someone dangerous to tea.

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Permalink | File Under: Life, Lists, Sharing

Deek: What's up with this Seattle-esque weather? I feel like I should be not washing my hair, wearing some flannel in the coffee shop and listening to Pearl Jam.

Me: And apparently going back in time to 1992.

Personally, I am loving this weather. Love the grey skies. Love hearing the rain outside when I wake up. Not a big fan of the idiots who don't know how to drive in the rain, but I'll take what I can get, because I am in no hurry for The Inferno® to begin.

**shudders**

Ugh. Just typing about it makes me want to telecommute from somewhere way up north for a few months.

My weekend was spent pumping money into our economy. Day-um. Who knew moving would so expensive? Because of course a new bathmat is in order. And while you're at it, some new coordinating towels would be nice. Not that there's anything wrong with using beach towels, but c'mon. You aren't in college, dude. And oh yeah, you need a dish drainer. And new dishes. And don't forget a Swiffer because you have concrete floors now. And you might was well get some slippers because Brrr! those floors are cold. Oh hell, just buy a new rug.

And there goes my money. Bye bye money.

Comments (0)
Permalink | File Under: Life

This morning, John and I checked out the recently opened Fresh & Easy. John was fresh and you know I'm always easy.

How easy am I? Well, clearly I am very susceptible to marketing because when I saw this, I had to buy it.

Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?

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Permalink | File Under: Life

I'm making an executive decision to stop calling my kitchen small and instead call it cozy.

Tonight I made pizza with pesto, sun-dried tomatoes and Kalamata olives. I may have been a little liberal with the feta cheese.

Elliott has also made an executive decision to have his bed on the sofa. He's unconventional like that.

With all this moving stuff going on, I completely forgot to make any plans for New Year's Eve. So, homemade pizza and Ani DiFranco it is.

I hope you have a happy and safe New Years.

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Permalink | File Under: Elliott, Life

Remember the end of St. Elmo's Fire, when Mare Winningham is talking to Rob Lowe in her new apartment and she says how she made a peanut butter sandwich the night before and she realized it was HER peanut butter and HER bread in HER apartment and it was the best peanut butter sandwich ever?

Something about eating a bowl of soup with a mixing spoon because I have no spoons yet reminded me of that.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

... but it's done. Sorta.

Now to find a place for everything. And figure out which box I put the cat in.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

I started moving some stuff in to my apartment today and I noticed the cord for the cable modem.

Hrm... I'm not liking the looks of this.

Since it is possible I may be without internet when I move in tomorrow, I'm going to go ahead and post January's banner tonight. You may need to bypass your cache to see the changes.

Enjoy your weekend and ringing in the New Year!

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Permalink | File Under: Banners, Life

What a whirlwind week this has been. At dinner on Wednesday, Jason mentioned a friend of his knew of an apartment for rent in historic downtown Phoenix. The next morning, I called the landlord to ask about it. He said he would be coming into town that day so I told him I could meet him during lunch to see it.

It's an awesome place. Small, cute and full of personality. All the things I'm not. (Ha!)

Everything about this seemed serendipitous. Next thing I knew, I was signing a lease and writing him a check for the deposit and first month's rent.

So that means HOLY CRAP(!), I'm moving in ONE WEEK. Oy. Luckily, I haven't fully unpacked from the last move. But still my head is spinning with to-do lists, but OMG I am super excited about this move! It's little secret I've been super bummed out living in rural suburbia, despite having the most awesome neighbors in the whole world. I miss living near stuff. Stuff that doesn't smell like industry or Jack In The Box.

So my holiday will be spent knee deep in boxes and packing tape, but I can't think of a better way to celebrate the start of a new year. Did I mention the best part? No roommates! w00t!

And of course, I've already taken the requisite bathroom mirror self pic.

Happy holidays y'all.

PS - Today is Daniel's birthday. Please go show him some love while he's working in the muck and mire of working holiday retail hell.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

• Last week, I received an instant message from a friend of mine. "I am outta the hospital. Just got home." To which I had an Angry Black Bitch moment: Blink. "I didn't know you were in the hospital," I replied. "I didn't wanna worry anyone until it was over." Okay, well... mission not-so-accomplished because now not only am I worried, but I'm also pissed.

• Usually this time of year, I want to crawl under the covers and hide until the new year begins, but oddly enough, I am somewhat enjoying this holiday season. Must be the St. John's Wort.

• I finished my holiday shopping today, with the exception of one gift that I'm likely not going to buy and ship until after Christmas because I'm a rebel like that.

• Tomorrow, I'm going to see Blade Runner with John & Jason. Can you believe I've never seen it?

• Thomas is in the throes of comprehensive exams for his PhD, a sadistic rite of passage Academia® likes to inflict on her students because she is one bad ass mutha who doesn't care if you think she's a bitch. On Thursday, I'm going to stop by to ensure his brain hasn't melted after twenty-four hours of testing.

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Permalink | File Under: Life, Lists

There were a whole lotta bloggers at Homer's holiday party.

Cobban, Homer, me, Sandy, Frank and Jim.

There were a whole lotta cookies to be decorated and pipe cleaners to torment Homer's kittehs. And a whole lotta digital cameras going off.

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Permalink | File Under: Friends, Life, Photos

Yesterday, I did some shopping for work. I gotta tell ya, spending someone else's money is awesome fun. With my own money, I have to be a total Ebenezer otherwise trivial things like electricity don't get paid. Or worse yet, my pantry full of green salsa goes frighteningly under-stocked. And that, my friends, would be very, VERY bad.

After dropping $1000 on electronics, I found myself positively euphoric. There really is an endorphin rush associated with shopping! On my way back to the office, I ran into CVS to pick up a couple things. As I left, a man asked me if I had any spare change because he needed some seizure medication. By seizure medication, I'm pretty sure he meant "booze because I have the shakes."

Still riding the wave of my shopping high, I gave him $5. Happy holidays. Have some store-brand whiskey on me.

For my last post for NaBloPoMo, I'm going to need your help. Yes, YOU!

In the comments, post a question you'd like me to answer. Sounds like one of those lame memes, doesn't it? It is and I don't care! My poor little brain is tired. I think I blogged more this month than I did all summer.

So go ahead. Ask away.

UPDATE: Thanks for your questions. Comments are now closed.

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Permalink | File Under: Elliott, Friends, Life, Photos

I was looking for a notebook I kept thoughts, ideas and doodles over a decade ago. I remember writing lists of things I was grateful for and thought it might be fun looking at them before Thanksgiving tomorrow. I still haven't found it but I did find a journal I kept for a few years when I first moved to Arizona. Flipping through it I ran across this passage.

April 14, 2001

I bought a guitar today. It's a cheap one but it'll do fine. Playing's been sort of like riding a bike. It's all coming back to me. It's a good feeling.

I've been thinking a lot about gratitude lately with the holiday approaching. Of course I'm grateful for the big stuff: loved ones, roof over head, food in my belly, job doing something I love, etc. But what really stands out to me are the little things that punctuate my day-to-day life that make me smile, laugh or touch me. The morning sky. The taste of root beer. Seeing a little old lady in the grocery store smile. Laughter. Even having a cheap, blue guitar to play, just because it feels good.

I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving tomorrow. Or just a great Thursday, depending on where you live.

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Permalink | File Under: Life, Nostalgia

The exterminator came today and doused my entire home with "perfectly safe" fresh linen scented chemicals. After examining my bed and mattress, he said it's unlikely I have bed bugs, but probably some other insect was FEASTING ON MY BLOOD WHILE I SLEPT.

He asked if I was bitten any more and I owned up that I've been too chicken since I first noticed the bites and have been sleeping on the sofa, which is apparently a huge no-no if you actually do have bed bugs. But I didn't care because every time I got into bed, I could feel my skin crawl and could never fall asleep in anticipation of becoming something's midnight snack.

But now I have the reassurance of a hunky exterminator with a meaty handshake (Hello Sailor!) and a bed soaked in DDT or Raid or whatever, so I'm sure I'll sleep like a baby tonight.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

First I wanted to tell you my fortune from tonight's cookie. It's the best fortune that goes with "in bed" I've ever received.

Good things are being said about you.

I wish.

For a while now, Friday nights have been reserved for Thomas. We have dinner, go get Cold Stone Creamery ice cream,
take it back to his place and discuss the finer points and challenges of the single gay man in the Phoenix metro area. We call it Misery Loves Company Night.

While eating a sensible dinner at Sweet Tomatoes, I noticed several super well-behaved, adorable children dining around us. I pointed out one little boy to Thomas and told him that occasionally, I'll see a kid and I think for a moment that I want one.

Me: When I see a kid like that, it makes my uterus ache.
Thomas: Um. You don't have a uterus... to my knowledge.
Me: My imaginary uterus.
Thomas: Your man uterus?
Me: Yes. My muterus.

Reality check: I know that kids are not in the cards for me. I have enough trouble taking care of myself, let alone a kid. Hell, I stress about having a cat sometimes. And a plant! So, this little branch on my family tree will end with me. But I will admit, there are times I feel the nurturer in me wanting to build some kind of family.

And then the next day I'm reminded why it's not such a good idea. Like this morning when I went get my hair buzzed and there was this little boy getting a haircut. OMG you'd think he was being tortured to death with all the screaming and the crying.

After I left, I called Thomas and left him a message: "The muterus is permanently closed."

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Permalink | File Under: Life, Thomas

I must have had a wild night last night, because I woke up this morning with a stranger in my bed and marks on my body.

Wanna see his picture?

Click here to see how cute he is.

Continue reading "Stranger In My Bed" »

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Permalink | File Under: Life

I met John tonight and introduced him to the culinary delight that is Chino Bandido. In return he showed me his iPhone and I tried my best not to lick it in lust.

That's not a euphemism. I may have to get over my hate of AT&T for one of those bad boys.

I decided to try new things off the menu since I tend to order the same thing each time I go. I ordered the Chile Relleno which they describe as a fresh Anaheim chile stuffed with two kinds of cheese, crispy breaded exterior. Those two kinds of cheese are Cheese Whiz and Cheez-Its for the crispy, breaded exterior.

It was still nummy.

John is funny and cool and has an infectious smile. And he gets bonus points for wearing Chuck Taylors. We chat about bloggers, bears, Macs, food and Anthony Bourdain. And really — when you think about it — what else is there after that?

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Permalink | File Under: Life

This posting every day thing is for the birds. Srsly. I don't know how some bloggers do it. It's not that I don't have anything to say every day. It's that I don't want to say something every day.

Like today.

Today wasn't anything special. Went to work. Came home and watch old episodes of ANTM on MTV while I ate chicken and hummus. First thought: what is with that judging panel? I look forward to seeing smug Nigel Barker's hot bald head every week. All I kept doing was staring at that Baby Phat lady and trying to remember where I'd seen her before. (Beauty Shop!)

For most of the day, I was a Crankmeister 5000®. I snapped at a couple people at work and then promptly apologized. But apparently I'm not THAT nasty when I'm in full crank mode. One coworker said, "your cranky is some people's pleasant."

So take that.

Nine down. Twenty-one to go.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

Last night, I took a couple benadryls because I was feeling a tad allergy-ridden during my still-not-feeling-100% phase.

You know, there was a time when I could operate heavy-machinery just fine on allergy medicine. Bring on the power tools, boys! Papa's on a diphenhydramine high!

But those days are long gone. That shit hits me hard now. Hell, I can barely blog when I'm doped up.

And when I do fall asleep, I sleep like a ton of bricks on a log. I sleep hard and deep (dirteh!) and fall asleep fast... the second my head hits the pillow.

It's the waking up part that's more difficult. I feel groggy and sluggish. It's hard to move, but when I get moving, I eventually feel well rested.

But now for the definition of sad.

The very FIRST THOUGHT I had this morning, when I woke up was:

"At 10 PM, I can go back to bed."

Pitiful.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

All hail the healing powers of liquoring up when you are sick. I feel like a new man. I still sound like crap, but nothing a few more shots of cheap brandy won't cure.

I spent the day doing tons of laundry and clearing out the DVR. Is anyone else as bored with Heroes as I am? Yes Claire, we know you can regenerate. We watched you ooh and aah about it all last season. Stop flinging yourself onto the concrete and actually do something please.

And WHEN is someone going to kill Mohinder? Please. He mohinders my ability to enjoy this program.

And take out Ando while your at it. Clearly, the actor who plays him learned his craft from this guy.

And OMG when did I become someone who blogs about television?

Oh yeah.

I think Cobban has the right idea. Kill your TV.

PS - I've added an archive for the banners. You can find it in the footer links.

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Permalink | File Under: Life, Ranting, Raving

"Your voice sounds like a garbage disposal." — Korina

Actually, that's the best description I've heard so far. My voice has a lovely death rattle/gargling quality usually akin to a two pack-a-day smoker after he's swallowed a pound of wet, fine gravel.

It's times like these when I really should do a podcast.

My weekend has pretty much been a bust and filled with sleeping, napping and — oh yeah... more sleeping. I've been in a Nyquil-induced coma pretty much since I came home Friday. So much that even Elliott's said, "Um, hey man. Shouldn't you like get up and do something this weekend?"

That something, of course, was feed him.

I'm missing the All Souls Procession with Homer. I'm a bit bummed out about that — I love the All Souls Procession — but I just don't have the energy. I'll celebrate the dead in my own way.

By taking a nap.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

Truer words have never been spoken.

I woke up this morning with the feeling of an acid drip in my throat. My only saving grace was when I shower, I don't have my glasses on so everything is a blur, so I couldn't see the detail of the goop I was coughing up.

But I could make out the color through the haze.

It. Was. Nasty.

I'm sipping a very potent hot toddy right now, waiting for Thomas to bring me some comfort food. And I'll admit it, I'm a bit tipsy as I write this.

Lots of brandy and meat pie. What else could I ask for?

*hic*

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Yesterday my work had a health benefits fair. Many vendors set up tables to extol the virtues of their product. If you ever go to one of these, let me give you a bit of valuable advice. Whenever you are asked if you are a member of, have you tried, do you own or do you have an account with ___________; the answer should ALWAYS be yes. It saves a lot of time. Korina told the Chase Bank people she banked elsewhere and ten minutes later we were still listening to how great their mortgage rates are while I was calculating how quickly I could stab my ear drums with the free highlighter and Post-It® combo pen I got from the pharmacy vendor rendering myself deaf to their sales pitch.

Another tip is to NEVER try anything edible. Sadly, this is a lesson I only learned after trying a vitamin drink fortified with plankton yet smelled like an old lady's perfume.

My breath smelled like Nana.

(WOW! That last sentence is all kinds of wrong.)

Any who... I enter a raffle while there and won a prize. Here it is.

Um, yeah. I'd rather have the perfume-smelling vitamin drink.

A plant is not a prize. It's a responsibility. Some thing to take care of. Where's the reward in that? They might as well have given me a screaming baby with a dirty diaper. I repeat, a plant is NOT a prize! I'd rather have the six dollars this thing cost.

I give it a week before it turns brown and dies.

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Permalink | File Under: Life

I want to Crtl + Z my morning.

I woke up insanely early this morning from an annoying dream. I was asked to accompany a dance recital. No problem, I thought. And then I looked at the music. I was super easy but when I looked at it, it looked very complicated. And then I remember. I haven't played piano in over ten years. Eek! Get thee to a practice room. But I kept getting lost looking for a piano.

Next thing I know, I'm riding a bicycle on the way to my grandmother's house in Oklahoma. I keep getting text messages saying, "It's ten minutes until we start. Where are you?" So not only am I unprepared, but also late. A double whammy of regret. Thanks subconscious!

It was then that I pulled myself out of sleep because next I probably would have been standing in front of everyone in my underwear and no one needs to see that.

After I got out of bed, I stumbled to the bathroom to start my day. My beard is looking pretty scraggly, so I got out the clippers. After putting in my contacts, I grabbed the clippers and started trimming away. I see tons of hairs dropping into the sink and I think, "Man! I really am overdue for a trim."

Then it hits me. "Is that skin I see?"

I forgot to put the guard on the clippers.

Ugh.

I opted out of joining the Pornstach Hall of Fame, instead going all the way to clean shaven. My face feels so naked.

Don't get used to it.

By the way, Chad has declared today T-Shirt Appreciation Day, so later you may see me wearing this t-shirt on his site sporting a more scruffy look.

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Permalink | File Under: Dreams, Life

Kristin and I met Korina and Cara the Downtown Phoenix Public Market. I bought vegetables for a salad I was making to take to Liz and Eric's that afternoon. I didn't get any green tomatoes but ZOMG! don't they look so good?

I love Cara's t-shirt.

Later at Haus Ubersax, everyone took turns holding the baby.

Baby's First Beer.

To see other pictures, make clicky here.

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Returning a missed call from Kristin.

Me: What's up?
Kristin: I can't remember if you are eating healthy or not.
Me: Depends.
Kristin: Well, Aunt Patti made all this food: ham, mac and cheese, dressing, fried green toma...
Me: I'll be right over.

Click.

I have the best neighbors ever.

And lucky us. We get to store the leftovers at our house.

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After participating in the 12 of 12 project last year, I intended to do it more often. And then an entire year went by.

Oh well.

06:34

Further proof of my forgetfulness is that I was supposed to have had blood drawn last week. It kind of slip my mind, so I needed to go today. My doctor's checking my cholesterol, so I had to fast for the test. Any one who knows me, knows that breakfast is my favorite meal of the day, so I was ready to get that blood drawn so I could eat.

07:39

I actually have two of these because she couldn't get blood from the other arm.

I look like a junkie.

08:19

What better way to reward myself for getting my cholesterol checked than by having the BIGGEST FUCKING OMELET. I believe they called it an everything-but-the-kitchen-sink omelet.

09:29

Fridays are publishing days for the site so there is always lots to keep me busy. Brewing tea for iced tea helps.

12:41

Tim and Matt met me for lunch at Fuego Bistro. I love how the lady in back decided to be in the photo as well.

13:18

We split this yummy creation made of bananas, chocolate and walnuts.

Most. Phallic. Desert. Ever.

14:14

I always see self taken bathroom mirror shots on Flickr, but have never taken one until today. (I put the camera on the hand towel dispenser and set the timer.)

15:33

Busy making pretty, pretty for teh intarwebs.

Lately on Fridays, Thomas and I have dinner and hang out but today he is feeling very ill. You should have heard his voicemail. He couldn't say any consonants or breathe. Poor guy.

So I looked in the freezer to see if there was anything I wanted to eat.

17:56

Mmm... Ice. It's what's for dinner.

18:23

A trip to the store was needed.

19:03

Hunger took over and I ripped open a box of Triscuits while driving home. Eating out of a grocery bag in the car just seems so wrong to me. Next thing you know I'll be eating grapes while shopping for groceries and hand the cashier an empty bag at the checkout.

So what's a single gay guy to do on a Friday night?

19:25

Watch Ugly Betty, of course.

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Permalink | File Under: 12 of 12, Life, Photos

Today, the mighty sun god decided to be kind to the peoples of Phoenix and give us a reprieve from his balls-stuck-to-the-legs-hot temperatures. (Thank you Wayne for that new descriptor.)

Today was gorgeous! Just the right amount of sun and the right amount of breeze. I just walked outside and a wall of nighttime heat didn't smack me in the face. I need to check the tires on my bike. Me thinks nighttime bike rides are in order. (Don't worry. It has a light on it.)

After being cooped up all summer protected by ice cold A/C and the greatest invention of all time, the ceiling fan, it was such a treat actually WANT to be outside.

Thomas and I took a walk around Tempe Town Lake. Many other people had the same idea. The cutest couple asked us if one of us would take their picture for them. They were adorable.

It's days like these that make the horrendous summers worth it.

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Last month marked a decade since I first set foot in the Valley of the Sun. Taking a prompt from page 49 of No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog by Maggie Mason, here's my last ten years.

1997: Moved to Arizona in a car with no air-conditioning or windows that rolled down. In August. What was I thinking?

1998: Bought a car with air-conditioning AND working windows thankyouverymuch. Julie moves to Phoenix. We will be roommates for the next nine years. Began volunteering at the GLBT community center.

1999: My father dies. My only concern not attending his funeral is possibly offending my grandmother. My grandmother, one of the sweetest souls I've ever known, says she understands and it's okay.

2000: Received an award for volunteer work at the GLBT community center. Had to unexpectedly hug a large, sweaty lesbian on the stage of the Orpheum Theater.

2001: Started this blog.

2002: Visited New York City for the first time. Minor fender bender sets off major depression.

2003: Started therapy with the biggest quack. Had the good sense to flee. Julie and I move from our modest crack pad in Tempe to swanky new digs in Old Town Scottsdale. My mom visits during Christmas.

2004: Nothing sends you running back to the therapist couch faster than your mother visiting during the holidays. Worked out some major stuff and took some not-so helpful medication. Tripping the blog fantastic and meeting bloggers Adam, Dyanna, Kacy and Homer.

2005: My grandmother dies. After two days in Oklahoma, I was never more happy to see the desert skyline. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was home.

2006: Started a new career that I love, love, love. Named Roller Derby Fan of the Month. Oh, and produced the hottest dance track ever. (See Thomas. There was a time when I publicly mocked other people.)

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Permalink | File Under: Life, Nostalgia

Yesterday I wore a shirt I haven't worn in almost two years. (Yay me!) I know this because when I went to put something in its pocket, I found a folded piece of paper. A note from a lover? Of course not, silly. It was a grocery store receipt that had miraculously survived the washer and dryer.

It was printed on heat sensitive paper so it was mostly charcoal-colored, but I could still make out the date, November 23, 2005 and a few of the items I bought: frozen brown rice, green salsa, apples — things I usually buy at the store. Of course the first item was also a common staple in my kitchen past.

Cookies.

Ah. Those were the days.

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One of the advantages to not having one big birthday celebration, is having many smaller ones. It feels like all month long I've been celebrating my birthday with various lunches, dinners and one very spontaneous day trip to Portland.

This morning I had breakfast with the lovers former known as The Roommates. Not only did this mean I would get a temporary reprieve from the ghetto I now call home, but also I'd get to eat at one of my old haunts, Orange Table.

I have mentioned my love of certain fictionalized terrorism here and here. The three of us used to stop whatever we were doing to watch Keifer Sutherland kick terrorist ass every Monday until we became more interested in saving the cheerleader and the world.

However, after my gift, 24 may be the winner.

No. The tits aren't real. I'm on South Beach, thank you.

This box contained all kinds of awesome. There were many envelopes with my instructions to complete a secret mission.

Click each pic to see the larger view.

I have some seriously great friends. (Having Elliott as "Jack Meower" is an excellent touch.)

To see the whole photo set, make clicky here.

Now, if you'll please excuse me, I have some missions to accomplish.

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Permalink | File Under: Elliott, Friends, Life, Raving

Yesterday Adam and I flew to Portland for the day. We went to the Portland Saturday Market, ate delicious lebanese food, walked around Old Town Chinatown, took lots of pictures at the Portland Classical Chinese Garden, shopped for books at Powell's and then went back to the Market to eat vendor food. I even ate an Elephant Ear. (Carbs don't count when you're out of state. Did you not know that?) After all that, we went back to the airport and went back home.

It was an awesome time. I'm completely exhausted and a little sunburned, but I want to do it again.

Click to see the Panoramic view.

Make clicky here to see the entire photo set.

And check out Adam's photos too!

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Permalink | File Under: Friends, Life, Photos

Today is my thirty-eighth birthday. Here's what thirty-eight looks like: gray and white hairs and all.

Pretty hot, huh? You'll be happy to know that I trimmed the jungle-like stalks of nose hair before I took this picture. I'm not sure I remembered to trim my ear hair though. They do say memory is the first to go.

I alternate years of wanting to celebrating my birthday and not wanting to celebrate. I'm not sure why that is. Last year was a big celebration with lots of people. This year I haven't wanted to commit to any plans at all. It's not that I'm not looking forward to my birthday or getting older. It's just I don't feel like making a big deal of it.

But there is something I will make a big deal out of. A couple months ago, I decided it time to stop being a lazy excuse maker and start getting healthy. I'm getting old and shit's already started falling apart. I don't need to speed up the process with my bootylicious curves.

To date, I have lost twenty pounds. ZOMG! Did you hear that? 20 POUNDS! I feel pretty good about it and am noticing a difference in how I feel and how some of my clothes just hang on me. It's a pretty frickin' awesome feeling.

By the way. That shirt I'm wearing. Haven't been able to wear it for a year.

Pretty frickin' awesome.

Comments (27)
Permalink | File Under: Life

So it's been about one month with the new roommate and things are going swimmingly. Most of the time I don't even know he's home. He does his thing. I do mine. Although we've known each other for years, there are still lots to learn about each other. One thing I learned immediately after the big silver box of time suckage was installed, is he loves watching The View. LOVES IT!!! A lot. He loves it so much that it's in ALL CAPS WITH THREE WHOLE EXCLAMATION POINTS AFTER IT!!! That, my friends, is a lot of love.

I personally haven't seen much of the view since Lisa Ling was a co-host and when was that? During the Clinton Administration? Seems like a lifetime ago.

Of course I've heard a lot about it, starting with the whole Star Jones business last summer. (I saw a commercial recently that said she'd be guest starring on one of those Law and Order shows. When did that asshat become an actress?)

And of course who hasn't heard about The View since Rosie came on board. This year has been about the "hot topics" and the new roommate LOVES(!!!) him some hot topics.

He's going to wet himself when he watches today's show.

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Permalink | File Under: Life